You Do Not Owe Your Partner Prayers for Them to Change — Love is the Way
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The Bible says love is the greatest gift of all, and I finally understand why. True love is transformative. It can make the impossible possible. In its purest form, it mirrors the power of God, who is love Himself.
Relationships come with their challenges. Sometimes it’s about the type of relationship you’re in and other times it’s about the personality of the person you’ve chosen. When you find yourself in a relationship with someone “good” but difficult to connect with, especially emotionally, the instinct for many — especially in African cultures — is to turn to prayer.
I’ve been there. I’ve gone to family members, seeking advice about my conflicts with my partner, and they’ve mostly told me to “take it to God in prayer.” But the truth is, not everything prayer solves. Prayer cannot change someone who doesn’t want to change. Real change starts with a personal decision and genuine intent. No amount of prayer will make someone feel or do what they don’t choose to feel or do themselves.
Prayer has its purpose. It can bring clarity, peace, and even strength to deal with difficult situations, but it doesn’t work like magic. God uses people, situations, and lessons to bring about the changes we seek. So while prayer is important, relying solely on it for change in your partner is not feasible.
The Transformative Power of Love
I’ve come to believe that love, not prayer, is what brings about the changes we often expect in relationships. Love isn’t political, nor should it be defined by endless suffering or sacrifice. True love is about sharing, caring, laughing, listening, and growing together. It’s about knowing that your burdens are halved, even if they aren’t solved.
Real love isn’t about pretending things are okay or sweeping issues under the rug. It’s about addressing problems honestly and working through them with compassion. It’s about giving each other the space to heal and grow while still feeling supported and valued.
When both people understand what love should look like and how it should feel, it naturally creates an environment where growth can happen. But this requires an understanding of each other’s love languages, compatibility in key areas, and a willingness to put in the work — not just emotionally but even physically, in terms of intimacy.
Love Languages and Compatibility
We all have ways we give and receive love. These are often called love languages — words of affirmation, quality time, acts of service, receiving gifts, and physical touch. Understanding your partner’s love language is critical because it’s the foundation of how they feel loved and valued.
But it doesn’t stop there. Love languages need to align with other areas of compatibility, like emotional connection, communication, and yes, even sex. Sex isn’t just about physical gratification; it’s another way partners connect and express their love for each other.
When there’s a mismatch in love languages or intimacy, relationships can feel strained. That’s why open communication is essential. Partners need to feel safe enough to share their needs, desires, and even their fears without judgment.
Love and Change
Here’s something I’ve learned: love can encourage change, but it doesn’t force it. When someone feels deeply loved, they may naturally want to become better for the person they’re with. But that choice has to come from within them — not from pressure, guilt, or obligation.
This realization has helped me shift my focus. Instead of praying for someone to change, I’ve started praying for myself. I pray for the strength to honor my feelings, validate my emotions, and not settle for less than what I deserve. I’ve learned to give myself the same care and attention I ask for from a partner.
Conclusion
Love is transformative, but it’s not a one-way street. It thrives on mutual effort, shared understanding, and open communication. Praying for your partner isn’t wrong, but the kind of change you want must start with love — real, honest love.
If you’re in a relationship where you understand each other’s love languages, align in key areas, and work together to improve, then growth and transformation are possible. But it can’t happen if only one person is doing all the emotional labor. Love is about both giving and receiving and without that balance, even the strongest bond will struggle to survive.
Real love doesn’t ask you to sacrifice your happiness or peace. It lets you feel seen, heard, and valued for who you are, and it inspires you to be the best version of yourself — not because someone demanded it, but because love made you believe it was possible.
