Mistakable Signs People Ignore in Relationships
Mistakes like gaslighting, ignoring the love language and potential red flag.
People ignore some red flags at the beginning of their relationship perhaps due to the fact they’re conditioned to endure some things and criticized for evading what doesn’t suit them especially instantly.
As a result of this, we stay in places where we’re not needed, relationships that aren’t favorable, and environments that don’t bring out the best in us.
But when we remove the fear of what people will think and listen to what our inner spirit is telling us, we’d act accordingly and some of these mistake signs below, will be easily avoidable.
Let’s look at them:
Convincing your partner you’re not angry all the time
If you have to constantly tell your partner in the middle of an argument or talk that you’re not angry, then it’s a sign of gaslighting.
Gaslighting mars relationships through emotion invalidation. This occurs when your partner refuses to acknowledge the situation of things or does so but through making you look like you’re being extra.
This triggers insanity to the bearer of the feeling because there they are looking stupid for something they communicated and thought you clearly understood. Gaslighting is one of the worst things you can show your partner in a relationship.
Avoiding arguments
There are talks and there are arguments. Any wise person would prefer to always choose talking over arguing. However, in a relationship where two complete strangers are merging values and beliefs yo coexist together, it is hard to obtain.
Arguments can ensue when talks aren’t working and that is perfectly normal — as that creates an avenue for both parties to ingrain what the other is on about — only in a more intense way. What is not normal on the other note is, avoiding arguments. Treating your partner like they’re the talkative or nags whenever they bring up a talk or point and tries to trash is is an example of gaslighting as previously explained.
Stepping out when you need to hash out things even if a bit intense is not always a wise thing. If not for anything, there’s something talking. There’s somebody willing to invest their precious energy in dissecting the stuff you’re too afraid to deal.
It’s a mistake to have such partner.
Providing for you but not being there for you
I understand that the style of relating differs amongst us according to our personality, tribe, culture, etc. On that note, it’s not such a weird feeling to see others tolerate long distance relationships with their spouse while others wouldn’t stand anything like that.
With that said, it is a sign to get away when the other party seems to be unavailable all the time and hides under the facade of “but my unavailability brings forth food on the table”.
Again, another form of gaslighting to make you believe you’re only making a fuss when everything is for your comfort. Except it’s not. Because asides having all those “wonderful” things, it’d be nice to spend them with the man/woman of your dreams. It’d be nice to see their face, kiss it, touch it, care for them and love them — face-to-face.
You deserve that.
Questioning your manner of “being”
If the man/woman you are dating or married to suddenly has an issue with the way you do your things, things you both used to appreciate that was never an issue or a topic for discussion, then it may be time to hang those boots.
The person is telling you that they can’t tolerate that version of you anymore and is trying to change you to fit their desire as opposed to embracing you the way you are.
There’s nothing wrong with correcting your partner’s flaws. Those flaws that are changeable instantaneously. Those malleable traits that they can get rid of easily, but certainly not the permanent or semi-permanent ones that might still be alterable, but not as easy. The kind that need long-term love and support rather criticizing to slowly purge.
For example living with someone who suffers from obsessive compulsive disorder and calling them too obsessed or too clean. Even as a joke, that’s totally wrong!
That’s what I mean.
Treating you like an ornament
Big mistakes a plethora of people make these days is “saving” their partners for something “better” and messing up anyway. This explains when your partner tells you they love you so much they don’t want to stress you to go on a trip with them or share a bed with you after delivering a baby.
The intention may be pure but it doesn’t erase the fact that you’re treating the said person more like an ornament that needs to keep shining for better occasions than a person, than a partner. With whom you’re meant to observe what their love language is and treat them accordingly.
Another instance is; buying lots of gifts for someone who prefers words of affirmation or physical touch. Then you’d have failed woefully.
Lastly, telling you to face reality
We all know there are honeymoon phases to every relationship. That period when everything is rosy, hyper romantic, sweet and gushing of goodness. However it doesn’t mean some or all of these gestures can’t be shown or happen as the relationship stretches forth.
In fact, some of these things are what keeps the relationship alive. If you met someone who always showed you their romantic side and that is what you feel for, there’s no other reality to see other than that when the person isn’t being that way at all any longer. Worse still, when they tell you to face reality, grow up or smell the coffee.
When you hear these words, I urge you to really obey what they are saying (for once) and escape as far away as you can from them because the mutual wavelength you both were on has been gravely distorted. This can cause more heartache than can be managed. Or acknowledge it as a sign you’re choosing to avoid and stay.
We all want a loving relationship that thrives on mutual respect love and care. Some people are lucky to get these explicitly whereas others get them in various other shades.
Whatever is the case, there are certain mistakable signs one needs to know on or before they get into a relationship, to avoid the numerous heartache turned depression, traumatic experiences we go through in the bid to find the one.
Because the truth is, relationships ought to add to your happiness and if isn’t, that should be the end of it. Same way you spit out a melted chewing gum for something solid.
It is best we get to know ourselves and determine if we truly need things or people in our lives to complete the equation or if we’re a solved equation already. Because again, the aftermath of ignoring these signs above isn’t worth going through.
