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When I think of leadership, I used to feel uneasy, especially when faced with job interview questions about it. For a long time, I would downplay my leadership abilities and focus on other strengths, convinced that leadership was something I lacked.
To me, leadership felt like an insurmountable challenge, a constant reminder of my shortcomings. Despite being the firstborn in my family — a role often associated with leadership — I often felt more like the youngest. I’ve heard similar sentiments from others in similar positions, which only deepened my confusion about what leadership truly meant.
For a while, I gave up trying to understand it altogether. But recently, I’ve reevaluated my perspective and discovered that I may be a better leader than I once believed.
Leadership Is Subjective
Leadership isn’t about fitting into a rigid mold or meeting society’s stereotypical expectations. It doesn’t require a loud presence, unwavering strength, or emotional stability. For many of us, misconceptions about leadership create feelings of inadequacy, causing us to shy away from roles we might excel in.
At its core, leadership is a soft skill rooted in connection and management. It’s less about commanding authority and more about fostering relationships. True leadership values people as individuals, making them feel seen and valued. It’s about tailoring your approach based on your personality and the needs of those you guide, rather than expecting them to serve you.
There’s no universal way to lead. Leadership styles are as diverse as the people and situations they navigate. What works in one context may fail in another. Recognizing this helps dismantle the notion that there’s a singular “right” way to lead.
Redefining Leadership in My Life
For a long time, I believed I wasn’t a good leader because I didn’t command respect or evoke fear in my siblings. Comparing myself to others, like my cousin — who seemed to naturally embody traditional leadership — only reinforced my feelings of inadequacy.
But leadership isn’t about exerting control or demanding admiration. I’ve realized that I lead by example, not authority. I listen to my siblings, offering them a safe space to express themselves. I support them when they need help and strive to be authentic, hoping my actions inspire them in their own journeys.
The absence of overt recognition or respect doesn’t negate my role as a leader. Instead, it reflects the individuality of those I guide and how they choose to perceive me — something beyond my control. My focus remains on fulfilling my responsibilities to the best of my ability.
Boundaries, Balance, and Growth
One essential lesson I’ve learned about leadership is the importance of maintaining boundaries. It’s easy to fall into the trap of trying to please everyone, but true leadership requires discipline, firmness, and the ability to prioritize the greater good over individual demands.
At the same time, leaders must take care of themselves. Leadership can be draining, but it’s vital to prioritize personal well-being and allow yourself time to recharge. Being tired, vulnerable, or uncertain doesn’t make you a poor leader — it makes you human.
Good leadership is rooted in character, values, and morals. It doesn’t require perfection, but it does demand accountability. A strong leader is willing to reflect, admit mistakes, and course-correct when necessary. Arrogance, rigidity, and toxic traits often associated with traditional leadership have no place here.
Gentle Leadership
Leadership can be quiet and gentle. It doesn’t have to diminish the worth of others. My goal has always been to inspire in my own way, without the pressure to lead with a standout presence or conform to rigid expectations.
Understanding leadership from this perspective has been liberating. It reshapes the narrative around what it means to lead and allows individuals like me to embrace leadership roles with pride. Leadership doesn’t have to be perfect — it just has to be intentional.
At its heart, leadership is about stepping up when the situation calls for it, guiding with empathy and authenticity, and doing your best to manage responsibilities. It’s a role anyone can take on, in their own time and their own way — and that’s more than enough.
Thanks for taking the time to read.
