What does it cost you to value yourself? Someone’s validation? A million-dollar? A good job/career? Or other external gratifying elements?
It’s easy to shake our heads in disbelief that any one of or many of the options above truly defines our values. And if you’re like me, it’s nothing to be ashamed of because as human beings, we were nurtured to accept some external elements and use them as the yardsticks to measure our self-value.
But growing out of your parents' or caregivers arms and learning to have a mind of your own as adults ought to snap you out of that surreal mentality — that says your self-value is based on your marital status, job, number of friends you have, or how rich you are. Because these are only a quarter way to defining who you are.
The majority of who we are has to do with the type of spirit we possess.
Before I delve in further, it’s noteworthy that self-value seems to be usually upheld by the worth of things we have on the external as aforementioned and abolished not only by when they are stripped off of us but also when we think we’ve messed up.
The highest form of criticism inherently comes from us as opposed to from other people. If you value yourself so much, it’s easy to fall off the wagon when you mess up, make a mistake, or do something contrary to your belief or value — which are all acceptable.
Except that beating ourselves up or relying on external factors does us no good. It doesn’t compensate what we think we did wrong nor does it equalize to a great self-value.
This is because our self-value remains the way it’s always been from the onset. Onset, as in, from the time we were created. It doesn’t depreciate. It depends on the perspective we want to view it from. Because like Joel Osteen, a renowned minister of God said in his one of his podcasts named you are fully loaded, self-value, like the dollar bill remains the same no matter how you roughen it, mess it up, trample upon it. It doesn’t change. You can walk right into any shop and purchase items worth the value of the dollar bill. Likewise, our spirits, our being. When we have a willing spirit ready to be renewed from time to time, we’ll forever remain pure. Our self-value will remain intact. Again, perception matters here.
You may look dirty, tired, weak, wrinkled, over-weight, or like whatever life has dealt you with, throw in the towel that you’re worthless, after all, you’ve indulged in despicable acts countlessly, but it doesn’t change your self-value.
It is by renewing our spirit that every other part of us is automatically renewed.
But how?
One of the best ways is by practicing self-compassion and the act of letting go to heal.
Self-compassion works similarly to the way you’d treat a friend if they were berating themselves for something they did wrong. Learn to accept that you’re human and hence infallible. Give yourself some credit for having tried what you thought was your best at the time, feel the hurt, sit with the pain and let it slowly dissipate. That is the only way sadly enough.
But you’ll find strength once you practice self-compassion as opposed to self-loathing each time your past wrong deeds try to play on your self-value. Remind yourself that you’re renewable.
Another way of renewing the spirit is by what I call divine evacuation.
This is solely done by seeking the face of God. Calling unto him, asking for mercy, renewal of your spirit through baptism, confession, and or penance. This starts with acknowledging the first step, that is, self-compassion. Because if you don’t love yourself enough to be compassionate you’d give up altogether. You will never get the chance to surrender to the greater force, the ever forgiving supernatural being to be renewed and start afresh.
Just know you’re not your thoughts but your actions define your character whether intentional or not. You need to be aware of what you measure your value by or what you place your value on so that you don’t get swayed into doing or being something you are not to maintain the status quo — which is always insatiable anyway.
Learn to place your value on things that are worth it. Things that money cannot buy, people do not need to validate, and no one can strip away from you easily.
I place my self-value on my unique characteristics such as persistence, resilience, self-respect, discipline, honesty, and humility. Take away my job, career, family even, but these inner virtues keep me going. Of course, temptations arise and force me to derail from time to time, but self-compassion is the first step to retracing my steps, seeking the face of God, and discussing all that’s been happening as the ultimate step to renewing my spirit to forge ahead.
For you, it might be nature, desserts, or mountains that can recall your spirit back. Dwell in it. Tap into the supernatural forces to bring your spirit back to renew your mind and whole body. Try it and see how refreshed and born again you’d feel every time.
