Because what you cannot endure now, there’s no likelihood that you will even in the future-period!
I’m tempted to call the idea of assuming that “everything will be okay” even in the face of danger, living in fool’s paradise. This may appear too harsh but it’s needed. I’ve experienced it first hand and received several complaints from friends about one thing or the other they found in their admirers they didn’t like but wished they could ignore or leave but ended up staying with them.
My advice to them and myself remained the same-
What you cannot endure now, there’s no likelihood that you will in the future period!
Humans, especially when dealing with relationships always want to believe that they can modify certain fixed undesirable traits; painting it bearable and that’s why we find ourselves experiencing doomsday with heart-wrenching regrets because we thought we could deal but the harsh unacceptable truthful answer is NO — we can’t!.
When you become aware of who you’re and determine what your likes and dislikes are, this’ll help ascertain what similar traits or values to expect or reject in a person you’re in or about to be in a relationship with. But when you’re unsure (lack of self-awareness?), you’ll end up settling for less most likely someone with traits you dislike and “forced” to deal with it.
The thing about dealing with undesirable traits that come naturally with who you’re is that it usually stems from a whole lot number of other things besides lack of self-awareness such as desperation and nonchalance to mention but a few.
Desperation comes from the lack of patience in properly digesting what your reality is and could be, in line with who you’re about to be committed to. Whereas nonchalance is going ahead to ignore the warning signs, the handwriting on the wall and choosing to stick with being committed to that person all because you can’t be bothered about the ruminating process involved prior to that.
Of course one of the biggest problems with realizing something you strongly dislike in a person and still going ahead with sticking with it and enduring it is that there’s a limit to which that can last for before the cover is blown. Outside the fact that it tells poorly on your overall self-esteem, self-care and wisdom as a person, it also does lead to a strong sense of guilt and regrets during and aftermath respectively.
Guilt comes as a result of having strained your partner unnecessarily with “hopes” that you would endure what you originally and strongly disliked in them in the first place whereas regrets occur when you acknowledge how much time was wasted building all that castle in sand with the time you could’ve invested in something else that’ll have proven more successful had you stuck to your type in the first place. If care is not taken, this could lead to a succession of damage or disorders in the form of frustration and depression.
Hence, Prevention is Better than Cure.
This is not to say that seeking perfection by having unrealistic checklists of things you want in a partner is the way to go but rather a matter of determining those undesirable traits that comes naturally with who you’re — traits that are more than pet-peeves, that are likely to cause you to take a detour when you perceive them miles away in a person. These are the caliber of things I mean and encourage you not to deal with or endure, with hopes that it will suffice on its own thus sustain your relationship in the long run.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that it is important to inculcate the habit of self-awareness, knowing your likes and dislikes; as this will enable you ascertain what to expect/ or reject in a partner based on that. But be realistic with your checklists of what you expect bearing in mind that no one’s perfect including you — it’s as simple as know type and stick with it.
Do not out of pity, desperation or for whatever reason it may be choose to deal with a strong dislike of something you naturally can’t put up with because the bad news is that — that will only be advantageous in the short run and disastrous in the long run. The aftermaths of putting up are usually not enticing as they are bound to lead to potential health issues.
It’s okay to say no now and stick with it
Be willing to read the handwriting on the wall always
As to before warn is to before arm.
