When You Say Independence, Do You Mean This?

Photo by Morgan Housel on Unsplash

I’ve had my fair share of codependency. I’m tempted to say that it’s a trait I picked up from the kind of upbringing I had, where culturally, it’s expected that the man provides for the home. It’s expected that the kids all rely on the man for the financial aspects of things and the woman for the emotional part.

This understanding is more generic and goes as far back as the B.Cs when Christ was still on earth. It was postulated that “a man is the head of the home”. This puts him in a position to shoulder most, if not all responsibilities, to do with a home. While I’m not mad at this, yet continued to depend on others for my welfare (due to certain circumstances), my spirit has always worked differently.

Perhaps it comes as the fulfilling of the prophecy of being a man in a woman’s body, possessing their type of drive and spirit I thought. Or it could simply be since I’ve tasted the wrath of depending on people and being answerable to all their baggage and the baggage that comes with depending on them that I’m just fed up.

Whatever it was, I thank it so much. Because it’s liberating to finally say and actively work toward becoming independent in many or all aspects of my life.

But when I say that what do I mean? When people refer to being independent what exactly are they referring to?

Photo by Rowan Chestnut on Unsplash

I believe being independent is the ability to stand on your own without the need to rely on somebody else for something (not anything, because that’s different).

Being independent requires you to feel it in your spirit and play it into the physical for it to register with your mental or psychological framework. In essence, to believe you’re independent, you sort of need to prove it to yourself on a countless basis — not only by verbal proclamation.

Being independent encapsulates, but is not exclusive, being financially secure or stable. Yes, money makes the world go round and it’s nice to be buoyant like that. And I agree. Being wealthy or having enough to go by each day, the capability of affording what you need as and when you need them without the heart-wrenching after-feeling is exactly what being independent feels like.

Being independent allows you to be your person. You’re not in awkward positions where you’re answerable to somebody else’s BS. Because, I mean, if you don’t, then it’s considered being disloyal, which would kick the food or favor off your mouth/way. You’re doing what you like however you like it. You’re not listening to advice that doesn’t aid you, not listening to music that doesn’t vibe with you, and not relating with people that truly don’t lift you. That’s independence right there.

Being independent also spans other areas of life as well. Areas such as the emotional, mental, and spiritual parts of you. Remember when I talked about reliance on a mother by a child for the emotional upbringing and having the spirit to want to break out of the co-dependency to fully become independent? This was part of what I was intending to expand more about. That independence is also about getting your shit together, learning about your feelings, and emotions, and using them to your advantage as opposed to reacting negatively due to or to them.

Mental independence comes from being able to comprehend what your true nature is like. More so about your cognition. What do you think? How do you understand? What do you normally think about? What does it take to change your thoughts or understanding? And also how do you act? How do you relate? These questions are important because it is inherently the building blocks of your personality. Your cognitive skills.

Spiritual independence is when you have something that you attribute your existence to. Something you strongly feel guides you and is supernatural. Notice how I’m writing about the spiritual aspects of independence after talking about the emotional and mental parts? That’s because if we don’t co-ordinate ourselves well in those two areas first, we will not be able to follow our hearts to where it rightfully leads us. We will not see the force that is pulling us towards it or something else and obey it. We will not be able to follow our intuition. But rightfully, this should be the first step to independence and perhaps is the reason why our parents shove religion down our throats at an early age. What we need is spirituality, not religion, as though we’re marking attendance to go to heaven through specific characters or ways, whereas race is not as linear.

Developing strong spirits help us find out a sense of direction which further guides us on how to continue to grow on our own and thus become independent.

Physical or social independence is learning to practice and savor solitude. I can’t stress this enough, but if you don’t know how to sit with yourself most often than not, then you’re in for “it”. “IT” could be in form of heartbreaks, disappointments, people-pleasing habits, lack of self-esteem, lack of self-confidence, confusion, cognitive dissonance, you name it. Because basically, you’re letting in people into your lives that are not fitting yours and dealing with them constantly that you lose yourself. But becoming socially independent is emphasizing the ability to choose when to hang out and when to chill indoors with yourself. You’re saying that you have a say in how you live your life. You dictate who to spend your energy on, time with, money on, and even breathing space with. These “yous”, goes to show you are independent because that’s what it’s all about.

Photo by Patrick Schneider on Unsplash

It pays to become attuned to what our innate skills and passion are and lean towards them. Instead of thinking, we are incapable of achieving solid, how about we start with the so-called little we can do very well and see how it pans out?

The intention to develop ourselves must be born for us to start creating the life we want. We don’t know how things might unfold if we continue to give a particular passion, skill, talent, or a whole journey our undivided attention. God knows how to reward people’s dedication especially while tapping into their God-given talents. The Universe has a way of slowly aligning with our values and paving way for us to materialize our dreams as we strive.

It is through this understanding and constant practice, we’d slowly develop ourselves and attain total self-independence eventually. Start from an aspect or two as described above, and work your way through it.

Being independent is so hard. It would be easier to have people whom we rely on for almost everything we need and never have to worry about anything as much. After all, that’s what made growing up so fun. We could waste our time on frivolous things and still receive pocket money to waste on more frivolous things. But that’s not what growing up is all about. And growing up is inevitable, as discomforting as it may seem. So why not grow the necessary guts and learn ways to become independent now rather than later to avoid certain harsh wake-up calls and realities that might end up leaving you more hollow. Such as losing your sense of self. It’s the worst thing that can happen to any individual who has a quota to contribute to the universe.

Some of the ways to fully become independent includes emotionally, mentally, spiritually, financially, and socially.

Device a holistic approach to attaining independence and be proud to call yourself one coupled with insurmountable benefits that follow. For example peace of mind.

With this result, it’s worth it.

Happy independent you!




A girl who writes & addresses toxic hidden agenda in the form of topical issues whilst digesting their relative life lessons. I can't alone— It's a ‘let's all’.

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Comet N.

Comet N.

A girl who writes & addresses toxic hidden agenda in the form of topical issues whilst digesting their relative life lessons. I can't alone— It's a ‘let's all’.

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