When People Give You Space, Use it.
Space, silence, and solitude cannot be overemphasized enough in their magnitude of importance in many sectors of our lives. Only people who fear growth, development, maturity, and the likes would evade space.
Space is an opportunity, a room, or a time out to one’s self. Sometimes it’s given, other times it’s imposed. The main issue here is mostly to do with the former. We tend to think that it’s a bad sign when certain people give us space. Not knowing is actually much needed and a blessing in disguise.
Why so?
Space is hard to obtain. It takes a lot of discipline to create some time for oneself. You have to be intentional about the use of some space in your life to be forced to create one for yourself from time to time.
Space is uncomfortable too. It’s similar to getting some alone time and that can be daunting. Especially due to the way it requires you to be by yourself, and hence, cajoled to sort and source you out.
Sometimes when we are alone (for those of us that are very good at it), we think it’s because we lack people in our lives, we lack vitality, and are a boring bunch of people. Whereas the “direct” opposite is the case.
What’s the point of having a million people by your side who bring you head and heartache as opposed to having a handful of them that you can call a tribe? If you ask me, it’s extremely not worth it.
What matters is being useful while you’re by yourself and understanding that being alone doesn’t necessarily equate to loneliness. Most times it’s what we need to recharge, gauge, process, and restart very wonderful journeys in our lives. And the noise won’t suffice for these.
That’s why in any place or relationship you find yourself where it looks like the other person is giving you “unnecessary” space, grab it and make use of it. Turn it into a much-needed break and analyze, psychoanalyze even what got you guys to that point in the first place.
Other questions like: Is it worth it to always have to get these breaks in-between that drift us sort the more? What are the consequences of this lack of communication that is giving rise to this silence and space? How may I be enabling it? What should I be accountable for? Questions like this may lead you to a map of unforeseen signs or red flags you perhaps may have ignored that are starting to reveal themselves. It may also help you find out ways to course-correct eventually when you and your significant other get back to speaking terms.
But never undermine the power of space every once in a while. Yes, it’s scary, as it could mark the beginning of more gaps and loopholes in your relationships. But think about it the other way round, which is finally gathering the mental evidence you need to take the required bold steps — although it’s nerve-wracking if you’re the one always making the move.
Either way, it’s worth utilizing the space others give you so that you can figure out whether it needs to go beyond that leading to the end or a positive reconciliatory route. You won’t know until you find a way to deal with the anxiety that springs up during that process. The fear of losing something tangible, or the courage to step up to your demons once and for all.
Whatever it is, make sure to accept the space you’re given. Create one for yourself regularly to check in with yourself, the way you would a friend. Don’t forget that a person who initiates some space could be someone who values their alone time for recuperation. It is only someone who values healthy boundaries that would initiate some space — to re-energize, rethink, reform, and perform their best in the end. It’s a sign of a healthy self-relationship. And sometimes it depicts respect for what you guys share enough to give room for the people involved to breathe a little before continuing on your journeys together — if it’s still viable — or go your separate ways. In which case, having the space would have cleared and saved you.
Try doing nothing.
