What It Means When You Say You’re Not In The Mood”

Comet N.
4 min readJan 30, 2022
Photo credit: Lucas Pezeta on Pexels

I don’t have to do this, I mean, write about this. But what would that make me? A hypocrite? Because if the usage of the sentence “ not being in the mood” were a coin every time I used or exercised it, I’d be way richer to still be looking forward to Medium paying for each article I write on this platform.

But it’s necessary because most times we're unaware of why we are geared toward several sentences as the best ways to express ourselves despite a million other alternatives. It could be something we learned from our classmates in school to use, or how we were taught by others to express ourselves. Or it could also arise from the pit of our guts as we blurt them out and continue using them for people. Whatever it is, saying “I’m not in the mood” is more than meets the eye. And I’m here for us all to dissect it.

The mood is a state of mind or a displayed or undisplayed emotion encountered at each point in time. Most times we tell it like it is when we say we are not in the mood, other times we are using that avenue to convey something else other than how we truly feel.

One of those ways are:

A means to create a boundary

Saying to someone you’re not in the mood is often a passive way of letting them know you don’t want to indulge in whatever mood or activity they’ve approached you with. So rather than come out straight (and hurt their feelings you may think), you simply state you’re not in the mood.

Not in “the” mood could mean not in their mood

A person who uses the sentence of not being in mood could explain that they may be in the mood for the same thing as you are but don't necessarily want to share the feelings with you.

So, for instance, you could be in an overall happy state and another person who’s also in a happy state may not ignite your “mood” for them – and so you use the sentence. Therefore, saying you’re not in the mood could be more specific than expected.

Not in the mood is a defensive mechanism

When you’re constantly not in the mood and saying so, the people around you or in your life may start to mark you with it and as such alienate themselves from you — which is often the goal for you since you can’t outrightly tell them to get away when you really need to. This is somewhat similar to the first point I made.

“Mood” can be ambiguous as well

As much as “the” mood can be specific, it equally connotes ambiguity. In the sense that “mood” on its own has a lot of ways to analyze it and until you come out straight with the kind of mood you are in (or don’t want to have), you’re initiating a lot of ambiguous ways to take in what you mean by “not being in the mood”.

Mood may seem so simple but it can be destructive especially when used in relationships.

A partner or friend or companion who’s constantly not in the mood or saying so is saying a lot but under the guise of not being in the mood. It’s imperative to figure out the contributing factors giving rise to the passivity in communication for the sentence user. And for the receiver to push for the sentence to be more streamlined to fully understand the sentence user. Otherwise, there’d be a lot of miscommunication and degradation of the said relationship also due from neglect, resentment thus leading to a breakup.

Not being in the mood is not an issue, but using the sentence can come off as a passive way to communicate your true feelings and actively work towards solving the underlying issues.

If you happen to be that sentence user, you must determine if the people you surround yourself with shut you up mentally, emotionally, or psychologically, so much so you’re constantly not in the mood or saying you’re not.

But it would not harm to be abreast of the connotations to this sentence such as being passive instead of assertive in communicating, not liking someone you’re with, and using the sentence as a defense mechanism, being ambiguous and confused about how you truly feel and/or being specific about it. These will help emphasize the type of relationships you have and if they’re worth keeping.

N.B: you could also not be in the mood inexplicably. It’s weird but true.

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Comet N.

A girl who writes & addresses toxic hidden agenda in the form of topical issues whilst digesting their relative life lessons. I can't alone— It's a ‘let's all’.