Every change has a time it all began…
You were once very responsible person who never thought of indulging in acts that were against “the rules”.
You were once in a place in your life where daily portrayal of honesty was part of who you were; you were so comfortable, living your best life, had friends, set goals and tried living out your aspirations.
There were times you were oblivious to the opinions of the outside world including its standard of living and other expectations.
People really appreciated the innocence and genuinity in you albeit you were just “being yourself” and the list goes on..
Suddenly, you become aware of what the world is truly made of. A world so cold and unfair. You are growing now to experience heart break, bully, betrayal from a loved one, expulsion from school and sacked from a job. Then you introduce another perception of the life you used to know and watch it happen to such a responsible person like you.
Gradually, your mindset and values start getting tweaked. You stop over-asscociating with friends because “over-familiarity breeds contempt” you start seeing the need to curtail your spirituality to avoid being termed holier than thou. You even learn to suppress your emotions and vulnerabilities to avoid being called weak. You begin to adopt methods of getting away from uncomfortable or threatening situations by telling white lies. Talk about unhealthy introductions and conclusions.
Before you know it,
You become a whole new person.
The more life hits you hard at each milestone or stage, the more you adopt even more aggressive “survival mechanisms” in order to deal. At a certain point in time, you may internalize so much and begin to deal with things in such a way or manner that is abstract from you.
You come across thoughts like;
I know this is not the real me, this is the handiwork of what the world is trying to turn me into. It’s too late now, I can’t change. It’s whatever (my favorite one).
You know all these but yet can’t seem to stop.
The new cycle of bad habits and behaviour substituted for the good ones becomes the order of the day and lingers for such a long time until a certain point in your life when the consequences of these actions become dire.
Now, the infamous ceaseless night-outs and sexual escapades labels you promiscuous. The charlatinism/fake life you adopted as a survival tool to “meet up with the Joneses” in the past has come back to bite you right on the ass in form of broken marriage, lack of employment, loneliness and depression
All these while, you sensed it, you saw it coming, you knew something was at stake but couldn’t be actively arsed to properly deal. The term depression which once sounded so familiar to you becomes not only strange now but completely your ordeal.
You get the Aha moment. The epiphany. The turning point. Because you realise you are depressed.
The rethinking process goes like this;
I’m not happy with who I’ve become, my weight gain/loss, distance from family and loved ones, my job (if any) and my relationship with the outside world (including the awkwardness that comes with trying now) the list goes on..
“Unless you are willing to give up the ghost but ascertaining what is dangerous for you and sticking by it is one of the worst types of self-negligence"
You’ve probably become more depressed with now knowing that you suffer from depression. You are thinking about what the worst thing that can happen is, what can be more unfulfiling and depressing and as such you begin to exhibit subtle to aggressive behavioural response to certain situations.When you are sober and a bit mindful of any unexpected situation (i.e. life happening), you endeavour to act best and not relapse whereas other times you lose momentum and relapse to old habits to satisfy yourself that you are depressed and irredeemable.
Unless you are willing to give up the ghost but ascertaining what is dangerous is sticking by it is one of the worst types of self-negligence.
What am I trying to say?
We cannot control what life throws at us but we can control how we choose to deal with it. Let’s say that living life with a child-like mind helps you avoid or deal with issues more lightly without serious adult annotations but what goes up must surely come down. You must grow up at some point and face the challenges that comes with it.
It doesn’t end there…
When life knocks you down, you’ve got to pick up the pieces of your life and move on. No one even has to know you were down because carriage, the aftermath is what everyone sees. My dad will always say that falling is not the problem but the choice to rise up or dwell there that matters most. Choosing the former will further prevent unnecessary advice or opinion by people on how to live which for me is one of my pet-peeves.
In essence, you have got to move on
Find out what works for you. Stop giving a fuck about what the world thinks or expects. Develop the mentality that you only have you in this world to survive because once you choose death, death it is!. Decide to be strong, resilient and confident. Decide to grow up and mature. Decide to understand the true essence of living by actually living; worry less, laugh more, care less when needed and hold your shoulders high. You know why? Because there’s only one you. The unique you!.
This is not to say it is going to be any easier reverting to some of the ways you used to be but making up your mind to is the first crucial step. Refrain from engaging in those bad behaviours or habits life pushed you to and start living your true self-a very genuine, spiritual, talented responsible person you were meant to be. Redevelop some of those child-like traits like making friends and keeping them (good ones though), being vulnerable and reaching out to loved ones. Do not be afraid of how much time has passed because it’s better late than never. Today can still make up a long time ago and you have forever and a half with serious commitment and consistency to make that happen. To make those changes.
Nothing is irredeemable unless death. Therefore, choose to live more quality life today, set boundaries based on your principles to never relapse to the “world-cloned" version of you but you must do this after having forgiven your past and also determined who you are now, loved and accepted it(based on the aforementioned strategies such as meditation, reflection, mindfulness and willingness to grow inside-out).
It doesn’t end here…
Life will not stop happening, crazy things as well as great things are going to keep throwing themselves at you as you “grow”. Just know when to ignore and oblige, apply strictness and be moderate and when to be sensitive and indifferent. Repeat.
Balance is important
Start Today
Today Can Make up a Long time ago, so are you ready?
When is your today going to be?
