The World Expects a Particular Version of Vulnerability
There is weakness, and there is vulnerability.
Why do we always conjoin vulnerability with weakness and or crying with vulnerability? Who made these rules?
Weakness is like this: expecting everything to fall into your palms instead of chasing after your dreams or giving up on every setback you encounter whilst on it.
Vulnerability is a state in which you can be easily harmed mentally, emotionally, or physically.
Kids and adults can both be vulnerable.
But the kind of vulnerability the world defines it to be is one where you show utter weakness and helplessness. It seems to be the weary sign everyone looks out for before they believe you’re in a deep mess.
And this narrative is unintelligent, to say the least.
A highly vulnerable person can still be poised in their display of character. Not every person who is vulnerable has to be down, cry, and visibly stressed out. Sadly, the world almost always expects you to be this way or a particular way before they are stirred up — or not.
You cannot wait until a person displays all or some of these so-called signs above before you reach out to them, as no one is a dictator on how a person should display or express their feelings. A vulnerable person is allowed to cry, laugh, jubilate when it’s time, socialize, you name it — all at the same time as well. Don’t put them in a box.
No one made the rules. No one should also go about aligning a feeling to certain characteristics — for example, to say that a vulnerable person must weep or a weeping fellow is vulnerable. People have several ways of expressing themselves and their needs and crying is certainly not a predominant sign of weakness nor vulnerability.
Vulnerability isn’t a choice either, but openness is.
So, let’s learn to be empathetic if we can when we perceive that others are going through a tough time and not expect them to be completely down or worn out, the way it should be, before reaching out — bearing in mind that a vulnerable person can be, first of all, a human being, who can also be strong enough, and who can handle their difficulty, all while still being vulnerable.
Signs of vulnerability answers yes to most of these questions: Do they talk sluggishly when expressing their feelings? Do they avoid conflicts? Do they take the blames whenever there’s a fallout? Do they hide their feelings from people a lot? Do they apologize a lot?
Tackling these questions:
Do they talk sluggishly when expressing themselves? Yes
A vulnerable person lowers their tone of voice most times they talk and speaks almost countably to avoid being misconstrued and perhaps hurt by invasive opinions or advice that comes as a result.
Do they avoid conflicts? Yes
A vulnerable person at each point hates chaos. Because they’re already in a state of chaos either mentally emotionally or physically and would rather not add to them. So they stay clear of conflicts where they are bound to hurt more or might be tempted to show their vulnerability dismissively.
Do they take the blames for fallouts? Most times
A vulnerable person acts in unison with one who has low self-esteem. So it’s not wrong to say that low self-esteem and vulnerability are mutually inclusive. However, a vulnerable person who finds themselves in a fallout almost always takes the fall for it because it’s safer to assume they’re the cause since they’re already going through something they’re unsure is the cause.
Do they hide their feelings from people? Most times
A vulnerable person is most likely going to hide how they feel for the fear of not being misunderstood which might exacerbate their vulnerability. They normally appear stronger, with broad smiles, ready to take on the world, whereas deep down they’re afraid of being hurt in one or two ways as aforementioned.
Do they apologize a lot? Most times
Since they don’t always know their right from wrong.
A vulnerable person takes it upon themselves to mend situations that aren’t necessarily their fault on the outside, perhaps to compensate for the chaos they feel on the inside hence, the hurt that might follow if not.
You don’t have to look at their faces or slit wrists or pierced legs or whatever is your symptoms and signs of a vulnerable person before you acknowledge that these people are having it tough already and cannot manage an extra stress about how weak they must be looking or otherwise termed while at it before the world lessens that burden — or not.
Remember you can choose to be open about your vulnerability, but being vulnerable isn’t always a choice. Be kind.
