The Values of Advocating for Your Individuality in Relationships

Do not let your relationship define you first

Relationships have a way of blurring the lines of our ability to be ourselves. We fall back to the ways of others or refuse to uphold our individuality as a person. This can create a lot of stress, chaos, and internal confusion. Oftentimes, it’s advised we all get to learn and accept (even love) who we are before getting into a relationship. But this can create even more distress if during your days as a singleton you were not aware enough of the importance of advocating for your individuality or seeing yourself as a separate being. Hence, why this article calls for the attention of some of us who have lost ourselves in the bid to settle for others (who are non-self), detrimentally.

Reasons why you should create and advocate for your individuality in any relationship

Photo by Cristofer Maximilian on Unsplash

For the sake of adaptation

We as humans have the natural ability to adapt to anything we are faced with. Be it hardship, adverse environments, and other unforeseen situations that may play out. Our ability to adapt can sometimes be marred by our lack of sense of self. When we refuse to acknowledge our strong survival or adaptation skills, we will believe anything hard can’t pass us by or that even if they do, we wouldn’t be able to survive when we can.

To harness this ability:

You need to indulge in more adventurous activities. Do things outside of your comfort zone, and only then would be able to see how far stretched you can get and adapt. But until then, you can say no when you haven’t yet tried.

Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash

For the sake of independence/freedom

One of the killers of individuality, or better still, the worst killer of one’s individuality is the ability to stand on their own. This doesn’t mean not seeking help at times. But dependability on someone else mars your potential of sticking up for yourself. Whether it be emotional or financial. If you always have to seek someone for something, you’re most likely going to bend to their rules more often than not. And this is not a safe way to cultivate your own means of being yourself as you depend on others.

Rather than cultivate your individuality,

Find the slightest means to do things for yourself. No matter how ready someone else is or people are to aid you, refuse their help sometimes. Try those scary, lonely, hard, things alone and see how you build your independence through them. Spend more alone time too.

For the sake of peace

The confusion that emanates from a lack of sense of self is shattering. You listen to what everyone is saying and follow their steps even though they go against your inner rulings (instincts). But you won’t really know what your instincts are or what they’re telling you if you haven’t paid attention to your inner self.

To create room for self-knowledge

Learn to stay still in the midst of chaos. When your head and mind seem to be spinning and telling you everything at once, stay still. There’ll always be that still, quiet, calm voice that will point you in the way of reasoning and help you do what’s most important at those times. Pay attention, spend more quiet time alone, and listen to your inner voice. Check out how you can foster a relationship by harnessing and following your instincts.

For the sake of growth

Growth is essential to our being as humans. If you aren’t growing, then you’re most likely non-living as stipulated by many. Therefore, it’s imperative you learn more about yourself and use that means to know when to upgrade the powers, talents, and skills within you. However, not knowing leaves you in the same complacent state of penury and I don’t think you’d want that. Everyone wants to know and do better. This works hand in hand with my first point — that is, for the sake of adaptability. You have to want to do better by first acknowledging what is only good enough or bad. We’re all humans and we need that check-up. Everyone does.

To do this:

We need to increase our sense of self-awareness, turn down the volume of noise in our lives and pay attention to what our minds, bodies, and spirits are telling us.

Photo by Hannah Busing on Unsplash

For the sake of the relationship or friendship

Notice how I needed to highlight all the reasons to advocate for your autonomy in any relationship by highlighting your personal gains first? That’s because if you don’t know who you are, you can’t be in a healthy relationship with somebody else. You have to learn about yourself, what your values and boundaries are, flaws and all, before getting together with somebody else. Because that’s how you know when to speak up for yourself and when to lay low and learn. That’s equally how you know when to stay or walk out of something pleasing or displeasing. It is the highest relief to decipher those pivotal points and make useful decisions thus.

To do this:

You have to adhere to the points stated above. You would have to learn to advocate for your individuality for the sake of adaptation by stepping out of your comfort zone more often. You also need to uphold yourself first and your values for the sake of independence, peace, and growth. So that your relationships will thrive.

Thanks for taking the time to read.



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Comet N.

A girl who writes & addresses toxic hidden agenda in the form of topical issues whilst digesting their relative life lessons. I can't alone— It's a ‘let's all’.