The Lack of these 3 Traits will Send your Relationships Down the Drain

Comet N.
4 min readMay 5, 2024
Photo by Christopher Alvarenga on Unsplash

Before a relationship is born, it takes two unique human beings. Maintaining a relationship, on the other hand, requires merging those unique traits in each individual with the other successfully. While a relationship encounters its ebbs and flows, there are very few key traits that will always fuel its growth, and the lack of them will only send your relationship down the drain.

1.) Self-management

Self-management arises from our state of consciousness, being aware of who we are, what we are worth, and what we represent. This way, nothing about you will catch you off-guard, and you’ll not always be caught sorry for almost everything you do (or didn’t do). Self-management is essential when it comes to propelling relationships, as it means that you have already established a healthy one with yourself. You know your likes and dislikes, your good sides and sides that need improvement, and you understand your emotional meter. The last point is vital because oftentimes times our emotions can dis-regulate our being and make us act worse than we are- a representation of who we may not be. In this case, it begs you to build a solid rapport with your emotions, get to know what makes you tick and what makes you excited, and learn to breathe in between before reacting. But if you find yourself constantly reacting brashly toward your partner or around/about them, maybe it’s time to reevaluate your relationship with them. It can’t be healthy.

2.) Accountability

One thing about relationships is that they can give you a foggy conclusion about yourself. Because you’re involved with another person with both your lives intertwined, it is hazy to acknowledge where one needs to grow or improve. This is where accountability comes in. Where you hold yourself accountable for contributing to things that make the relationship improve, you need to also see how sometimes you may be contributing to its downfall. Being self-aware will enhance this exercise for you. You know your faults and your good sides, yes, you may be managing yourself better than you ever have, but just the same way it took two of you to come together in the same way the both of you might be contributing to the dead ends. Accountability is important for the growth of a relationship. Oftentimes, neglectful attitudes, unspoken words, and inaction are the very killers of a relationship when compared to their opposites. So, it’s best to figure out ways you may be unnecessarily silent and tolerant over things you ought not to. And be accountable.

3.) Emotional maturity

Any two people who come together to start a relationship ought to be emotionally mature. This is the starting ingredient of any relationship. Because if emotions weren’t involved, you wouldn’t have professed your love for one another. But just like anything too sweet, too much love, understanding, care, and trust, especially one-sided, can potentially destroy a relationship. It’s good to be mature enough to know when to withhold, to withdraw some of the excesses you bring to a relationship in the form of emotions, and to focus on actually growing it — that is, putting in the work. There is time for everything. One needs to learn to regulate their emotions and act right based on the signal, but not allow them to overwhelm you — to the point where you promise or show what you cannot do or who you’re not. This is deceitfulness in the highest form. Being emotionally informed, and regulating it means being mature enough to engage with someone else knowing you’re in charge, and not the emotions, you. It propels a relationship when you listen to your emotions as signals and choose how to act, whether positive emotions or difficult ones. Essentially, your emotions will equally navigate you out of it if you keep intentionally having negative outbursts. By then, it’s time to come off it and have some sense of peace.

Relationships are scarce to get into, thus harder to maintain. However, merging two unique human beings from different backgrounds means exercising a deep level of compromise. This takes place when we do the inner work on ourselves, embrace and love ourselves first or at least more (self-management). It also occurs when we take accountability for our lives and all their happenings and do not let it penetrate and destroy our relationships, seeing how we could be condoning things as a trauma response. And finally, when we do the major work of putting our emotions where they belong and allowing them to serve us when we permit.

Thanks for taking the time to read.



Comet N.

A girl who writes & addresses toxic hidden agenda in the form of topical issues whilst digesting their relative life lessons. I can't alone— It's a ‘let's all’.