The Inconspicuous Traits of an Emotionally Unavailable Person

To be able to foster a deeper connection in a relationship, emotions play a vital role in that. It needs to be available

Comet N.
3 min readNov 14, 2022


Photo by Alessandro De Bellis on Unsplash

An emotionally unavailable person is someone who isn’t ready to tap into their emotional side and as such can’t be there for others that way.

An emotionally available person, on the other hand, knows what emotions are used for. They understand that emotions are signals that aid our navigation in life. They’re very much in tune with their emotions and use them as a language when communicating in relationships.

With that said, here are some of the inconspicuous traits of an emotionally unavailable person:

-They were once emotionally available

To tell the truth, some emotionally unavailable people were once emotionally available. But then, causal factors like adverse life events — relationship related or not — may have forced them to be emotionally cold. So, when you see someone who’s emotionally available, it helps to understand how life must have played out for them before jumping to conclusions.

-They don’t express themselves or show their vulnerable sides

An emotionally unavailable person equates being vulnerable to complaining, weakness, and an inability to handle their shit. But that’s a big lie. Any partner in a relationship wants to see the other soft side of their counterpart. They want to feel like they can be there for them, console them or be useful in other ways toward them emotionally. In conjunction with this, being expressive of your emotions can heal you really quickly than bottling them all the time.

-They are not in tune with their emotions

As stipulated earlier, it is either an emotionally unavailable person not expressing how they feel, or they are in denial. Have you ever met a person visibly angry but denying it with all the chatter, smile, and tricks in the book to conceal it? They say things like “Nah, I’m not angry. For what though?” They downplay it. Instead of admitting it at least.

-They tend to treat their partners as objects or their mere responsibilities

When it comes to relationships, the last thing a partner wants to feel like is a beautiful object, a trophy. And emotionally unavailable people are very keen on doing this. They’re not going to be there to share your downs with you, they push aside your feelings and term it too sensitive and unnecessary, and they don’t do some of the things you ask them to do that’ll make life easier for you. Like hell, they don’t pay you the slightest attention. All they do is attend to your other materialistic needs as an obligation of some sort so long as it’s not emotionally related. That’s a classic unavailable person.

-They tolerate you rather than love you

An emotionally unavailable person almost always barely has time to check in with her emotions, especially the difficult ones. So, imagine when you have to make them do it anyway. They resort to conforming to your needs by tolerating your “excesses” rather than supporting you during the period in which you need them most. Agreed, tolerance is a part of the loving process, but using it alone on a person who needs the total package at a set time is being emotionally abusive and unavailable for nothing.

We must be mindful of engaging with emotionally unavailable partners. They are not the types to be easily re-wired. They’re frustrating to deal with especially when you are all about the emotions in your relationship.

Hence, why I listed some of the signs to let you pinpoint how they operate and begin reevaluating yourself. This is worth doing because an emotionally unavailable person is ready to drag you down until you fall out of a relationship with your own emotions — unintentionally though. And we all know that not building a healthy relationship with one’s emotions can make us let them spiral out of control.

There is a marvelous quote about this I read from Quora, and it says: “an emotionally unavailable person makes the emotionally available person’s basic needs seem so exaggerated”. Something along those lines. So, be kind, but beware.

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Comet N.

A girl who writes & addresses toxic hidden agenda in the form of topical issues whilst digesting their relative life lessons. I can't alone— It's a ‘let's all’.