Be Mindful of Who You Vent to and What
Knowledge triggers expectations (Iyanla Vanzant) which have consequences
We’ve heard it said many times not to expect anything from anyone. Some writers I’ve read their work on this platform have mentioned and emphasized the derailment in expecting things from others. Things like favor, love, acceptance etcetera. However, this may appear counterintuitive as we are naturally inclined to expecting things from others, be it our close relatives or the universe in general.
Some of these writers whom I initially referred to denounced seeking expectations from others for reasons such as avoiding disappointments.
But who would blame a sensitive child for expecting her parents to understand her? Who would judge a hardworking employee from expecting a raise in position or salary? Who would be numb to the skull to not expect one good turn from the universe?
Only some person who is not humane.
But then again, expectations beget repercussions.
The kind that people aren’t always putting at the forefront nor think exists at all.
But sadly enough it does. Expecting something from somebody already puts you in a tight corner and somewhat sets you up for heartache or disappointment, others related.
But before that comes what every one of us loves to do the most: expressing ourselves.
Apart from the fact that expressing yourself can make you vulnerable, it can equally cripple you mentally, the reason being that once you let out a piece of information it turns into knowledge for the person you’re venting to, which in turn triggers expectations. Iyanla Vanzant, an author and motivational speaker highlighted this in one of her numerous books called Acts of Faith.
This loop is what needs to be critically evaluated to minimize the rate or kind of expectations we heap on others.
When we mind who we vent to and what we vent about, we are holding ourselves accountable for what is happening to (for) us. Hence, saving ourselves and others the hassles of unraveling our deepest fears and the automatic need to be there for us:
Don’t get me wrong. It’s not sacrilegious to want to rely on somebody for something. After all, a laborer deserves his wage. But it’s about learning to know when to hold back from always divulging all or anything that could be wrong with you, even if you have the right person to do so to. Because I’ve come to realize that at some point, the cup of hearing and acknowledgment by the listener (loved one, family member, spouse), becomes filled.
And as a result, they may begin to respond to the situations you express yourself to them about on autopilot mode, after all, they’ve mastered your habits, urges, and modes of reaction.
This is antithetical to a scenario where you approach people sparingly or lessen the volume of information you release at any one time. At least until you’re sure they have the space for more from you. Because remember that everyone has a demon they’re fighting each day. Therefore somebody giving you an opening ear ought to be enjoyed not engulfed.
If you would rather master the act of letting go, mindfulness to catch you when you’re venting, and willingness to withdraw from reacting in the first place, bearing in the mind these consequences of expecting from others, it’d go a long way to easing you of your mental stress — which would radiate all through the other aspects of your life — hence elongating your lifespan.
Are you ready to expect less from people and more from yourself?