Talk About Love
Love isn’t always just love. It could never be, considering that different types of love exist across different categories of people.
we have the love that exists between parents and children, the love between a mother and a child, the love between siblings, love between relatives, friends, colleagues, you name it…
In-between these loves exist their subtypes, the undertones which are easily ignored and go on to mar solid relationships instead of otherwise building them.
Knowledge or awareness of these pervasive types of love will aid in pinpointing them even in (their) subtlety or novelty — and in reconsidering and re-navigating from such a relationship.
These versions of love are as follows:
The love that punishes
Considering that the first type of love we experienced came from our parents or caregivers, it’s no brainer to say that what we define as love and how it’s expressed come from their perspective, narrative, or our personal experiences. Hence, when we experience the type of love that punishes, I mean the kind that your parents use in “teaching you a lesson” when you “misbehave”. This might come in the form of withholding love, care, or any affection from you. If or whenever you experience this withdrawal, be aware you’re getting a fazed love — the type that punishes.
The conditional- unconditional love
This type of love is pretty simple to comprehend because it has to do with when love is given based on conditions that favor the giver. And hence, the type that diminishes as soon as the conditions are unmet. This type of love can be found in many relationships: between a parent and the child where the parent presumes being hard on their child for following his/her dreams instead of the one they’d hoped for is expressing a conditional love, in a romantic relationship where one refuses to commit fully to it unless the counterpart in question was ready to give something for it, or between a casual relationship, where your friend adores you when you’re rich and abandons you when you’re broke.
Unconditional love is the most confusing type of love, and sometimes it takes experience or reading an article such as this to be enlightened that it’s not. Which is liberating.
The love that feels entitled
This type of love explains in a situation when in a relationship your significant other makes you feel like you owe them something. For their dedication, undying love, and care, they equally feel entitled to either receive them back or something more. And when you refuse, it’s jolting and can easily lead to name-calling, accusations, blames, criticisms, resentments, and ultimately, a break-up. Beware. As a giver, don’t give what you can’t endure giving and not expect back, likewise, as a recipient, be consistent in your attitude of rejecting unnecessary gestures. Be authentic.
The love that feels like a pity/favor
This type of love is almost like Stockholm syndrome. If you don’t truly love someone for who they are, you end up loving them because of what they’ve been through. This plays out in situations where the lover feels responsible for the significant other’s life events — whether they actively played a role in it or not — and hence feels the urge, not love, to want to be there for them — as opposed to truly loving them.
The love that betrays
For some pervasive reasons people often think that loving somebody entails also betraying them with their words and actions. This usually pans out either as your family member talking behind your back (still claiming they love you and that’s why), or your best friend revealing yourself pact/darkest secrets to family members claiming it’s for your good. It could also work out in a romantic relationship where your significant other uses what you’ve shared with him emotionally against you (and claims to be mad as a reason). No matter how you choose to see it, the love that betrays is betrayal — and should not be waived off so easily.
In essence, I’m trying to say that love could still be love if it didn’t have to connote a lot of impurities to it.
Impurities such as:
- using it as a vice to punish,
- emotionally blackmail under the guise of being unconditional,
- using it as a “trade by barter” means feelings of entitlement,
- throwing a pity party that lasts longer and ends more painfully than it should
- and betraying the same people we love under the flimsy excuse of doing it for their good or being mad.
Sieving these impurities will make love be in its naturally pure state. Not to say that love isn’t messy, but a matter of making sure it was love in the first place and with the right people too.
I am a passionate writer and lover. Sometimes they work hand-in-hand, and other times, writing about Love is all I got. But join me in this beautiful experience of exploring what it truly means, for yourself, and how to give it to others too by subscribing to my account.
