Emotions are creepy. If you’re not mindful, it takes you on an unfamiliar and unplanned journey.
However, self-awareness is a critical tool that guides one’s mind in recognizing when things start to metamorphose into something else.
I am talking about emotional attachments.
When you do not need it to be, it has a way of catching you off-guard.
It’s not necessarily a bad thing to be attached to something, but a part of anything related to attachment sometimes connotes unhealthy.
We can agree we all need a little dose of healthy attachments in any form of relationship. However, deciphering when it starts to form is essential in handling how it may spiral.
Here are the subtle signs:
You relax your boundaries
Boundaries are tools we use to reinforce our identity — representing our values and beliefs.
Slating boundaries and keeping them is an act of self-respect and self-preservation, which are essential for a healthy relationship, no matter with whom.
If you want to know whether you’re beginning to like or become attached to someone else, you notice your boundaries are blurred with them. It ranges from minor to major boundary cross. You might find that suddenly, you are tempted to get a tattoo of them even if you swore never to get one in the first place, or you might begin to utilize pet names, and so on.
Liking or attaching to someone makes us blur them to not appear as “strict” or “mean” as many who are un-attuned would usually term it. But that could potentially be another sign of an unhealthy attachment to something.
You hold back your words
Similar to blurring your boundaries, another subtle sign of liking or attaching to someone is holding back your words. This time, may not speak out for everything you believe in, you sieve your words to avoid being judged negatively by someone you like or trying to form a relationship with or attaching yourself to. This is a strong sign of attachment, which is often unhealthy in the sense that a healthy liaison or relationship requires you to be authentic in revealing your values and beliefs- of which only the person for you will stick around regardless.
You over-explain
With unhealthy attachments, you’re either withholding your words or over-explaining.
Over-explaining is often a clear sign of someone who’s lacked confidence in themselves. Hence, the need to buttress their points in any given instance, as opposed to making a clear and bold statement. This is deeply rooted in the lack of mindfulness. The inability to catch yourself derailing with your words in the bid to get someone to like or understand you. Such a form of validation should come from you alone, but if you give that power to someone else, you’re likely attaching to them in an unhealthy form.
You may ask, but what’s the need to know these?
Unhealthy attachments beget unhealthy toxic relationships, which may disorientate any form of emotional stability we have. We all need to protect our emotional stability to perform wholly. It starts by regulating the emotions that flood our hearts and may cause us to attach unhealthily.
Furthermore, recognizing these subtle unhealthy traits forms an avenue to clip them and retrace your steps through these emotional regulatory tools:
1.) By practicing the act of mindfulness by paying attention to what your mind tells you each time you behave in any of the ways I’ve listed (or more), you can adjust your approach better to suit your person.
2.)By cultivating habits that reveal your true person to you, you can better understand when you’re going against yourself. That is self-awareness.
It is through recognizing these subtle traits, we can renavigate or revise our approach to forming a healthier relationship.
A healthier counter approach mainly surrounds assertive communication. The sole act of expressing your needs in a respectful polite manner that doesn’t rid you or the other person of their rights of opinion or respect either.
Thanks for taking the time to read.
