Stop The Pretense
At what point do you stop the pretense, take off the veil so that people would see the real you?
What’s so impossible about expressing yourself rather than impress?
Understood!
The world is full of ups and downs and so the people in it have been conformed to mask their pains, sorrows, discomfort and their shortcomings. This masking covers many angles of life such as emotionally, mentally, financially and professionally etcetera. People, also have been made to quieten their joy, that is, reduce the volume of their happiness and how comfortable they are to soothe themselves contradictorily or to fit into one thing or another.
This mask remains on for so long and prevent people from truly living life the most original way, it also has stopped people from getting real help that they need to forge ahead and to be in denial on how much they already possess and ought to be grateful for.
I have instances to underpin why I think pretense has been adopted as the way to go and they are as follows;
- I remember as a child, I always asked after my dad’s business as a business owner that he was. Whenever I did, his response was always “we‘re managing”. It may or may not be true that he was managing but the problem was that this response became a constant even at times when things were clearly not so bad. He was fine-tuning the progress of his business and making me feel otherwise — “for reasons best known to him”.
- The same way for whatever reasons best known to a loved one whom I recently opened up to about my struggles with mental coping but she chose to respond with an enraging tone that I make her mad each time I mentioned that.
When you evaluate these two scenarios, you’d easily fathom that the first example was based on someone reducing the volume or intensity of something good happening to him to not make it seem so whereas the second one is someone expecting you not to feel the way you originally do or better still, be quiet about it.
This is the dynamics of life and most times it’s difficult to differentiate between when to pretend and when to express. Nevertheless, two reasons come to mind, from my personal experiences, as to why people choose to pretend and why it’s working out for them.
Insecurity;
One of the reasons why anyone who may be rich appears poor or anyone with some groundbreaking ideas, assets, or a wonderful career, name it, may tame it is normally due to the fear of firstly, admitting to themselves that they do because non-admittance causes their brains to continue striving for more and secondly, because they’re afraid they may become targets to their enemies or frenemies. I recently had a chat with a woman whom I perceive to be wise. She is supposedly from an affluent family and in the course of our discussion, she admitted to me that she could showcase her wealth more obviously for the world to see (admitting she’s wealthy) but she feels like living life in low-key is best as she wouldn’t be a target for a lot of criminal activities such as kidnapping.
Personally, I see nothing wrong in what she said but issues arise with not knowing when to be yourself and enjoy the good things life has blessed you with especially if you worked hard for it and also, with not knowing that you already have and so, ought to be grateful for it and start lending a helping hand to others. This is why it’s important not to pretend you don’t have but instead admit that you do and show it wisely.
Live a little.
For the fear of being bashed;
Everyone knows that you dare not mention that you’re sick, incapacitated or lacking in one place or thing or the other in your life openly without the fear of being bashed. Bashing does not only occur on social media by trolls but it could be by your so called loved one whom you trust. Both men and women have their fair share of things they are not expected to do or say, otherwise may be incurring the wrath of the bashful friends/society/family.
For instance, a man is expected to be emotionally strong and hence, it would be a taboo for him to cry or display any level of emotional downness whereas women are normally relegated as second to men and therefore, it’s a taboo to see a working-class, financially independent woman striving for the way forward openly. In general, people are not allowed to speak of their blessings — salaries, promotions, peace, wealth, joy just because
These examples have to do with what the expectations the society have laid out for us to follow therefore, we have to conform, to pretend and live accordingly or else.
Or else what?
Or else you acknowledge you’re sick and speak about it and be helped or be bashed for it.
Or else you admit you’re doing well and try to be happy and comfortable saying so or stand the chance of either being kidnapped or killed.
Or else you dare to to be different and serve as a form of inspiration to others to follow suit or be ridiculed for it.
Or else what?
It’s crucial that we take time out to truly understand who we are, dissect what we have and don’t have. Admit to the ones we have and are happy to and lend a helping hand to others to make the world a better place and for the ones we realize we don’t have but need to, look for ways to achieve them even if it means speaking out and asking for help when necessary. It all lies in your hands to live life unapologetically, unmasked and without pretense. It goes a long way to soothing you (most especially) and the world at large.
Like Shannon Ashley rightfully said — faking it till you make it isn’t necessarily a bad strategy but you’ve got to find out what’s wrong too.
Are you going to admit to who you really are and live life to the fullest knowing that it’s risky on its own to still be breathing or are you going to keep pretending it’s all good even when it’s not?
The ball is in your court; realness or pretense?
