Some of the Archaic Mentality I Wish Strongly to Unlearn about Motherhood/Parenthood — and Their Reasons
Becoming a parent in an environment full of people who strictly adhere to culture or a certain way of behavior: belief has a way of passively inculcating some of their values to you — even when on your own it’s the total opposite. As such you see yourself carrying on old habits, myths, and some maladaptive mentality in bringing up your own child.
This can give rise to a level of upsetting dissonance. Which is typical of someone going against their natural way of being and living with others. The clash can create confusion both for you and your kid as well.
And as such, I thought it’d be wise to highlight some of my personally ingrained archaic mentality. Except I wish to strongly unlearn for the betterment of my child, his future, and me as well (this is applicable for a baby or child as the case may be).
Some of them are:
“It takes a village” to raise a child
Well, this adage, statement, or notion of raising a child requiring multiple hands needs to be seriously unlearned for many reasons. Two of which are; one, it can create a sort of false hope that there are others out there who would always teach your child or cater for them and as such make you relax on that angle. Which is detrimental to your child’s upbringing. The second one is that the village might be the wrong kind, which means you would have left your child in the hands of the world instead of preparing him/her first for the world. Notice the difference?
Care for the baby and neglect for the parent
For the life of me, I could never understand why some people assume it’s okay to ask after a child and not bother with the parent. I could also never understand how a newborn’s welfare is of utmost priority without any care whatsoever extended to the caregiver. This might come off wrong, but it doesn’t make any sense. Yes, the child truly is the number one priority, but there’s still another priority on that scale or ladder than needs to either be included or be exercised as well. And that is, extending a genuine “how are you” question to the parent who’s equally looking out for the child or baby.
The assumption that the baby needs to be shown everywhere and carried by every loved one
No. Babies aren’t strictly meant to be taken around like a piece of cake to be passed around for others to savor. It’s a human being whose moods, well-being, and so on need to be constantly monitored and attended to. Therefore, expecting a newborn, toddler, or child to be passed around from time to time when it’s not convenient in many aspects for both child and parent, is again, a no-no.
The assumption or belief that a child ought to bring joy to the parent(s)
Honestly, I cherish my son. However, I don’t see him as a toy or entertainment muse who’s been born to specifically bring me joy. This myth or belief can be jolting for a lot of parents who later found out that it wasn’t exactly that way for them. Or feel underwhelmed by the fact that they aren’t as bonded to their kids as expected. This is why we need to take this mentality or totally abolish it to enable parents relieved from the pressure of what to expect from their kids and not.
Truthfully, there’s no need to cling to beliefs that formed mentalities that don’t help you out. As much as it may have worked for our parents, grandparents and ancestors isn’t a guarantee they are always for us. Parenting is already hard on its own to not want to follow through with your instincts naturally. If some of these beliefs work for you then carry on, but otherwise, unlearn the archaic mentalities and breathe the new way of doing things — the “you” way.
Thanks for taking the time to read.
