Many people, especially those facing deep emotional or mental struggles, often find themselves in a situation where their family isn’t the supportive space they need it to be. In these cases, it can feel like you’re constantly trying to prove your pain is real, even when your family seems to ignore or misunderstand it.
In my case, I’ve been dealing with a lot on my own, trying to process things while also dealing with family dynamics that aren’t conducive to my healing. The pain of being misunderstood by those closest to me can feel unbearable, especially when they don’t understand my need for space to process my emotions. I’ve explained myself time and time again, yet it seems like they don’t fully see or respect my boundaries.
This feeling of disconnect can be compounded by family members’ expectations of you to “move on” or “get over it,” which can further alienate you from the very people who should be offering support. If you find yourself in such position, you have to understand that your natural withdrawal during hard times is simply a coping mechanism, and not a rejection of them. But unfortunately, it can be perceived as such if they don’t understand the inner workings of your mental health.
Family should be a place of refuge, but when it’s not, it may require you to set firmer boundaries, or in some cases, take a step back to preserve your well-being. It’s painful to sever ties, but sometimes, it’s necessary for your mental health. Continuing to interact with people who invalidate your feelings can leave you feeling drained and more isolated.
Experts in family dynamics, like therapist Dr. Ramani Durvasula, suggest that if family members are unwilling or unable to support you in a healthy way, it’s okay to set boundaries that protect your emotional state. The idea isn’t to abandon your family but to understand that your peace of mind is just as important as any family relationship.
You don’t have to carry the burden of their misunderstanding. While it may seem like a painful decision, stepping away temporarily (or even permanently) can provide you with the clarity and space needed to heal without the added pressure of family expectations. It’s not about pushing them away but about giving yourself the opportunity to process and grow in an environment that supports your journey.
I’ve once severed ties with my family because of the emotional strain and the lack of understanding I received from them. It was a painful decision, but one that brought me some peace at the time. Now, it seems like the same patterns are repeating themselves. The more I reflect on it, the more I wonder if there’s a lesson I’m not learning — perhaps it’s my inability to set clear boundaries, or the fear of losing what little connection I still have with them.
The truth is, no matter how much I try to explain my struggles, how often I tell them I just need space to process things, they still don’t get it. They believe I dwell too much on my issues, that I let negativity consume me. But in reality, I’m just trying to survive and make sense of the chaos in my mind. I don’t need their judgments, and I certainly don’t need to be told how I should act when I’m in pain. What I need is empathy, space, and understanding. I don’t need to be “fixed,” and I don’t need their approval.
My siblings think I want them to suffer like I have. But that’s far from the truth. Sometimes, I wish they could feel what I feel, not because I want them to go through the same hardship, but because I want them to understand my world. I want them to see me — not the version of me that conforms to their expectations, but the real me, struggling and trying to survive. I want them to recognize my humanity and not just judge me for being different.
But no matter how much I try to articulate this to them, it doesn’t seem to sink in. Their love comes with conditions, and their criticisms feel like betrayal. So, after much deliberation, I’ve made the decision to sever ties again. It’s not because I hate them or want to hurt them — it’s because I need to protect my mental health. It’s about prioritizing my well-being and choosing peace over the constant emotional turmoil.
The hardest part is knowing that even if I stay away and try to handle things on my own, they’ll still have something to say. The truth is, I don’t feel comfortable around them when I’m struggling. It’s hard to depend on them, knowing that they don’t fully see me or accept me for who I am. When I’m going through something personal and hurtful, I don’t feel like being lovey-dovey or performative. I need to process, to retreat, and to heal at my own pace. But that’s something they’ve never understood, and maybe they never will.
It’s not about cutting them off forever or abandoning them; it’s about healing and creating boundaries that protect my peace. Maybe one day they’ll understand, but for now, I have to focus on myself. I’ve given them so many chances to see me and love me for who I truly am. But at some point, I have to stop waiting for them to change and take charge of my own healing journey.
