Old Love vs. New Love
Why do people stop doing the things they did during the “honeymoon” phase of their relationship?
We often hear that love is love, but it’s important to recognize that love is not a singular concept. It goes beyond our understanding and perceptions. What one might think is the essence of love could actually be something entirely different.
There are two distinct types of love: old love and new love. When it comes to relationships, love manifests differently. In many cases, compatibility plays a more crucial role in sustaining a relationship than love itself. This is the essence of old love.
Old love:
It embodies the feelings of fondness and attraction you experience when you first meet your partner or when you say “yes” to them. Those butterflies in your stomach each time they are near — that’s old love.
Old love is characterized by joy, connection, understanding, peace of mind, care, attention, and, most importantly, emotional availability. This type of love never dies. It is forgiving and resilient, embodying timeless gestures like handwritten letters, thoughtful notes, and spontaneous gifts of flowers. Old love is rooted in a commitment to nurture each other’s happiness, creating a bond that grows richer over time.
New love:
Conversely, new love can be seen as a diluted version of old love. It is the maladaptive form of love that should evolve into something better but often doesn’t. This failure can stem from changes in circumstances, leading to unhealthy traits like ego, pride, lust, emotional unavailability, and intimidation, which ultimately threaten the relationship’s stability.
In new love, partners often grow apart rather than closer. This is what people refer to when they say the “honeymoon phase” has ended. New love can undermine the feelings of connection, togetherness, and commitment that define old love.
However, new love also holds the potential to transform old love. Instead of clinging to old love while dealing with the negative aspects of new love, it’s more beneficial to explore the positive attributes of new love by revisiting the foundational traits of old love.
Building a Healthy Love:
To cultivate a healthier version of love, both partners need to be intentional about making their relationship work. They may need to reflect on what initially brought them together, what forged their love, and what strengthened their bond. Often, incompatibility in new love arises from forgetting the very qualities that connected them in the past. It may help to reconnect with those traits.
For instance, if effective communication was a strong point in your relationship and has since diminished, consider nourishing that aspect again. It might be beneficial to have an honest conversation to identify the gaps, address any issues, and work toward solutions.
Sometimes, taking a break for self-reflection can also mend a relationship, contrary to popular belief. This time apart allows for introspection and can help individuals address personal issues that negatively impact their partnership.
The goal is to restore old connections while embracing the realities of new love. Life changes — such as expanding your family, building wealth, or relocating — can significantly affect relationships, intensifying the challenges of new love. However, it’s up to both partners to remind each other of their strengths and work together to navigate these changes.
It’s crucial to understand that basic elements like mutual liking, respect, and trust must be present for new love to mature into a healthier version.
Old love serves as a guide for new love, nourishing it while reminding both partners of the good times and the qualities that contributed to their connection. This foundational love paves the way for a thriving relationship rather than its demise.
Final Thoughts:
Old love represents the purest form of affection; it chooses a partner without judgment of flaws or inconsistencies. When this level of love is embraced, it can grow into the most profound form of love. This is why it’s often so hard to let go, even after many years.
Old love tends to exist when there are fewer obligations and expectations, which naturally arise in any relationship. When new challenges, growth, or other situational factors emerge, they can complicate the relationship, leading to the development of a different kind of love.
New love takes root when both partners commit to being there for one another, regardless of drastic changes and expectations. Yet, fundamental principles — such as peace, love, respect, care, and acts of kindness — must be cultivated to rebuild the positive aspects of new love.
Ultimately, old love and new love are two sides of the same coin, each bringing unique qualities to a relationship. When both are nurtured thoughtfully, they can pave the way for a resilient, fulfilling partnership.
