Moderation is a Sexy Life-saving Strategy
I recently had an epiphany, I discovered one of the biggest problems I have in relationships- that for me to achieve moderation with the things I usually went overboard with, I would have to totally withdraw from them. This withdrawal would usually occur either over a short period of time before reverting back to the “old bad habit” or for a long period of time in the form total eradication which is normally the unpreferred option. And then it hit me, that all along, I’d been practicing a “black or white” theory with dealing with life and people which is not practical at all.
Because
Everything in life needs moderation in execution. Moderation is not a matter of black or white, ying or yang, live or die but a matter of a little bit of this and that, finding a balance or the average in something in order to efficiently regulate whatever it is you are involved in — relationships or lifestyle.
Moderation benefits all kinds of relationships mostly because as humans, we are bound to get excited at the beginning stages of anything new which overtime may lead us to exhibit potentially self-sabotaging traits unexpectedly.
Some of these traits in new romantic relationships, for instance, tend to revolve around the level of communication and availability to/ for the significant other. You find out that when you’ve fallen for someone, you express the urge to always want to speak to them and/ or meet up with them. Now, there’s nothing wrong with going in tune with this dopamine release — the only problem is not setting a balance, that is moderation, in feeling or reacting to these urges.
Over time, this can result to an obsession or depression when you either continuously overindulge the said person/relationship or when it goes down the drain. Likewise, when you engage in certain lifestyles that are self-sabotaging such as addictions to smoking, spending, eating or anything else that may temporarily prove harmless for the time being.
I’m here to say that moderation can be achieved with a lot of practice but all require formidable discipline to achieve. Discipline because, they are mostly things that aren’t necessarily bad for you as at that time or that can be changed. The bone of contention is ensuring that change doesn’t happen after the damage has been caused.
Moderation has to do with curtailing
Think about it from this angle, as a human, it’s inevitable for you to be flawed yet you try as much as you can to live a righteous life by inculcating good habits/virtues in yourself that outweighs the bad ones. Likewise when you indulge in things in extreme measures like superfluous spending, sleep, eating or other “little” potentially harmful habits that are bound to negatively impact your relationships etcetera.
Instead of viewing it from the angle of giving up or total withdrawal from it (since it’s not necessarily bad for you), wouldn’t it be best to rather take charge of your life, realize the triggers that cause you to behave those ways( write them down if possible) and look for more practical approach to use to deal with them.
So for instance, when you begin to notice that you’re overindulging a person you claim to like which could lead to a potential obsession in the future, since you like the person (for reasons best known by you), the best advice would be to learn to curtail that habit of an excess quest to talk or meet than totally not — which may translate to avoiding them and that’s not what you want. This may equate to the quote of he who runs will live to fight again.
In essence, moderation is not about giving up something especially when it’s something you want and isn’t that bad but rather should be regarded as the average of something, not too much and not too little. Moderation should always be recalled as minimizing anything that is bound to go out of hand but in order to achieve this, discipline is highly required as aforementioned.
There are times withdrawal can serve as a method of moderation
Counterintuitively, another method of moderating something you overdo particularly the immediate harmful ones, could be withdrawing from them. These harmful traits range from talking-turned-stalking or infatuation-turned-obsession (in relationships) or occasional smoking turned addictions or overspending as overcompensation for a past hurt ego (lifestyle). Looking at these traits, it’s no brainer they need more than finding a balance to achieve moderation but rather, gradual withdrawal and then total eradication.
Depending on what it is that you overdo in terms of relationship or lifestyle for instance, there comes a time also when the only option for moderation is gradual or total replacement of the said habit with a fairer alternative. Take for instance the life of an excessive smoker who is addicted to nictotine and finds it difficult to quit. Instead of an abrupt quit, it’s best to seek out other alternatives such as e-cigarettes that will satisfy the smoker whilst suppressing the urge for a full fledged cigarette stick. Over time, with self-help in conjunction with professional help, this replacement may lead to total withdrawal — which is moderation on its own — to the exposure of the hazardous substances to the body. In essence, limiting the rate of one bad habit will invariably limit the rate of another.
To be able to initiate moderation in whatever you may be overdoing, you’ve to be aware of some of those things you overdo in the first place, why and what the ultimate result will be— and mindfulness/self awareness and consistency are powerful tools that will aid you in so doing. You’ve to also think about why you’re overdoing these things — could it be due to lack of better options like a job, overcompensation for something, boredom etcetera.
After this, you have to evaluate the negative impacts you are bound to get from continuing to engage in those things and hence, look for ways to moderate them, replace them with less harmful options and/ or then gradually withdraw from them. These will restore normalcy/or sanity in whatever you do.
Be aware during the reflective stage that something considered little and unharmful at the time being could easily and potentially lead to a harmful repercussion in the future hence, moderation is the key to curbing this beforehand. On the other hand, something perceived as instant threat or harmful (as at the time of reflection), may also require moderation rather than total withdrawal. It’s a push-pull mechanism.
You just have to pay attention to yourself and be honest during reflection and instead of withdrawing when unnecessary, be disciplined enough to implore moderation which is sexy bearing in mind that the quest for perfection rather than progression will ruin the process.
There’re a lot more scenarios to use to postulate moderation as a sexy tool to use to engage rather than disengage, but for the sake of the topic at hand, I will exercise moderation by summing this up through reiterating once more, that choosing the the best behavior while curtailing the bad ones is what makes us the “average human” in the first place and strong discipline is all it takes.
