It’s Self-Respect not Pride

How self-awareness helped me differentiate

Comet N.
6 min readSep 2, 2019

It dawned on me that all along the cause was self-respect not pride

I used to think I was either a narcissist or a prideful being who wouldn’t normally settle for what everyone else was doing. I was different from the rest of my family members and other folks. I dislike disrespect with every fiber and wouldn’t tolerate it for anything. I’d intentionally make myself scarce from things everyone else was available to. Eager to express my disappointments and joy as and when due; very much ready to cut ties with whoever was bringing me distress and of course, someone who valued herself so well but just didn’t know it. I used to think I was full of myself and needed to step down the high horse until I encountered self-awareness which made me believe otherwise — that I only got self-respect nothing more or less.

It dawned on me that all along the cause was self-respect not pride

Self-respect is displayed in many ways. It is a feeling of self-worth or esteem that enables you exhibit definite traits in compliance to what your principles are thereby earning you a reputation.

Self-respect is when you know what you want and are not afraid to go for it. It allows you to determine when to say no and yes with no regrets. It allows you to be happy and content when everything is going well because you know you deserve it. It allows you sieve sense from nonsense and make do and do away respectively. It’s self-respect not pride.

Self-respect consoles you when you’re in a bad shape with anything because it’s rest assured that it’s just a matter of time before you bounce back up — not pride.

Self-respect will leave you feeling lonely and miserable sometimes knowing that you’re bound to continue being one out of the millions of people to resist or comply with something.

Self-respect encompasses self-pride, self-care, love and not any of these on their own, therefore, it’ll leave you confused to being a prideful or narcissist person and only self-awareness will help you differentiate self-respect from pride.

Other tips that helped me identify the traits gearing towards self-respect using self-awareness as a tool

Self-respect becomes evident after self-deprecation

One thing I’ve come to realize is that one of the ways to know if you’re truly being who you are is by being who you are not and watch what happens next. In order to identify the virtue you’ve got as self-respect, you’ve got to do a soul search and evaluate how you truly feel when you self-deprecate. Do you feel bad or worse? Do you hate yourself during and afterwards? Is it something you’d confidently share with your family or friends? If the answer to these questions is yes, then you are probably self-sabotaging and would need to take another turn but not without recognizing the fact that it is because you have self-respect. In my case, when I first started smoking, it was just supposed to serve as a means to killing boredom and shake off my reserved side to enable me have fun whenever I was involved in any social activity. Although I enjoyed the process of socializing, its influence on my conscience came with consequences that left me even more miserable and promising never to do such. It was not always as simple as that, self-awareness and consistency assisted me in the practical know-how to differentiating and replacing these self-righteous thoughts of you are better than the next person with you’ve got self-respect, not pride.

Self-respect may cost you material things but it brings you more of life’s essential things in return

This is paradoxical. You lose one thing due to self-respect and gain something else as a result of it. Self-respect, just like every other virtue will sometimes make you feel lonely and stupid. You tend to lose out on the good things of life when it’s on a platter. You reject the advances made by your boss to sleep with him/her before getting promoted yet feel utterly pained by not. Self-respect leaves you feeling wanting, especially when the supposed solutions are glaring and abundant. It’s like dangling a bone before a dog and asking it to be patient for the fattest one. The best routes are usually the longest. This is how you recognize self-respect; because although you lose out on that promotion, at least you have your dignity in tact and like it’s said, “good name is better than riches” Proverbs 22:1. One day, it will pay off enormously as your reputation will speak for itself in strangest ways and provide you with life’s essential needs rather than instant want. Self-awareness helps you to recognize and deal with the frustration that comes with resisting the urge of behaving in a non-self manner and stick to upholding your self-respect.

Self-respect gives an innate feeling of satisfaction when your characteristics or behavior are aligned with who you are- your values and principles as opposed to pride which mostly deals with the acknowledgment or validation from things non-self.

Self-respect can be quite daunting

When you’re constantly surrounded by people or things which do not conform to who you are; this could be at work, when you’re stuck with colleagues you do not appreciate their behaviors or at home, when you’re the only one who practices more self-discipline compared to others. It can be quite intimidating to be the only person who acts differently but the right way (based on moral principles). It could make you feel holier than thou so much that you begin to feel uncomfortable and to a certain extent, lonely. Now, this is where the act of self-awareness when ingrained, helps pull you together by dissecting the situation and attributing the daunting feeling as proof of self-respect instead.

Self-respect brings respect to you

This cannot be overemphasized.


Watch what happens when you have self-respect and try advising others or even approaching them for something. First, they listen carefully, regard you as someone who’s known for their good reputation and considers doing what you advised or proposed as opposed to if you were notorious or infamous for something and remained unrepentant and approached them. When you respect yourself with the way you dress, you’ll be addressed accordingly, when you respect yourself with regards to how you approach a subject, you’ll be accorded listening ears and when you respect yourself with doing the right things, good things follow and vice-versa. Self-awareness will help you ascertain why you’re being treated the way you are each time you attempt to meet people (family, friends, and strangers) whether it’s due to the respect you accorded yourself or something else.

Another proof is

Self-respect brings forth respect and hurts most when you’re disrespected.

Self-respect gives you preparedness and peace of mind whereas pride brings you pieces

When you respect yourself, it means you have strong values and these values project themselves in your everyday life. It’s similar to being on a safe side although it’s counterintuitive to what’s been preached currently (that is, to step outside your comfort zone). But self-respect already comes with its set of values that makes you ready anytime to deal with anything life may throw at you therefore, it brings with it the peace of mind. For instance, when you live by the policy of honesty, it becomes easy to figure out how to deal with situations where you’re required to explain an ordeal because it’s simple, you’ll be truthful hence, liberating you — as opposed to pride which makes you lie and as a consequence, need more lies to make up for it (pieces).

What am I trying to say?

Identifying self-respect starts with knowing who you are and what your core values are. It’s an essential virtue everyone needs to awaken. It basically has to do with respecting yourself as though you were a rule and not going contrary to those rules (your values). You must understand that self-respect encompasses pride but is not equal to pride on its own. It means that you know who you are, you have self-worth, self-regard and self-assurance synonymously.

Self-respect is usually confirmed through various uncomfortable and overly comfortable situations but if you implore self-awareness, you’ll desist falling into the traps of the former — which is characteristic of pride.

Various ways of recognizing and differentiating self-respect from pride always appear painful and discomforting; leaves you feeling daunted and lonely but who said good things come easy anyway?.

To be able to efficiently recognize and differentiate self-respect from pride, you need to pay close attention to who you are by inculcating self-awareness.

Self-awareness is an acquired skill under personal development that allows you to consciously search yourself inside out to become more aware of who you are and why you exhibit the characteristics that you. It helps to mold one’s personality from bad to good to better dependent on what you want. It enables you pinpoint self-respect as is and embrace it and not confuse it with pride.

Be wise.



Comet N.

A girl who writes & addresses toxic hidden agenda in the form of topical issues whilst digesting their relative life lessons. I can't alone— It's a ‘let's all’.