It’s Not You It’s Them
I know it’s weird to say this: but don’t take anything too personal, not even from the people in your lives. Why? Because they’re also humans.
I recently had an altercation with a pick-up agent at a delivery station. I’d ordered something that required me to pick it up from there andthe first time, it was easy-breezy. But the second time, not so much.
Coming into the station full-on irritated by something else that threw me off-balance before that, I was greeted by the agent, who after several time-wasted minutes opted to reach my phone without prior notice or request to input my order number. The first words that came out of my mouth unexpectedly were “don’t touch my phone” as I called out the order number for her. I wasn’t going to have someone else waste my time and invade my personal space as well. Of course, she flipped. I took it. But her wordings in expression caught my attention.
Words in form of questions like: am I a piece of shit? Treat me like a human being.
Inferring that I had derogated her because of my assertiveness.
If I wasn’t aware at the least, I would have believed I demeaned her and felt bad about it, instead, I apologized and explained I was having a bad day.
But the bitter spurts carried on.
This taught me a lot of things. Many of which surrounds why you, also should never take things from others personally anymore.
They are:
The way people treat you reflects how they see themselves
A mere expression from a customer wasn’t enough reason for her to spill back those words in retaliation. It’s fair to assume from her expression that she might not be happy with her life, she may be feeling inferior due to her kind of job, or the way I appeared to her.
Either way, that’s on her, not me.
When people treat you kindly anyway, it reflects how they feel or treats themselves, but when they otherwise treat you oppressively, it equally shows how they deal with themselves. And so on.
On the other hand, I’m not left out.
Coming off in what seemingly looked like I was being derogatory or brash, simply reflected what I was going through at the said time as well. I was having a bad day and it seemed to be passing on to someone else.
That’s on me, not her. It doesn’t mean she is what I portrayed on her.
The way you treat people only shows how you see yourself. So when next someone puts their garbage on you, it’s on them, not you.
The way people react is on them not you
In this case, you might say that I triggered her with my assertiveness. Because where I’m from, people-pleasing is a way of life. Truth is, there are several other methods of mitigating this trigger had she reacted positively.
She could have ignored me or treated me super nice and maintained her professionalism. Instead, she chose to berate herself in subtle ways to make me look bad.
But my reaction to what I perceived to be emotional blackmail and unwavering unprofessionalism was me telling her it was all her perception as I wasn’t looking down on her. This was me mitigating the situation, to soothe her, because she was already brimming thunder and stones to frustrate? me.
I knew she was punishing herself instead.
So,
Be reasonable and compassionate
I could’ve easily flipped right back at her for being so unprofessional about a customer’s grievance, instead, I applied wisdom immediately and tapped into some self-awareness, recognized the loopholes, and retracted from doing so.
I went ahead also to apologize very well to her before leaving the station not minding she attempted to give me a tough time by being adamant that I provide all the necessary documentation for the pick-up after proving my identity by other means.
I wasn’t stupid, I was being reasonable and compassionate for how she thought I made her feel, when truly, it’s the way she made herself look.
Always exercise compassion in exchange for others’ craziness. It’s on them, not you.
In nutshell: it’s easy to say to someone not to take anything personally, especially when they could swear you came for them. But the truth is someone happy and content with life would show it in all ramifications no matter what you display to them and likewise one who is frustrated, angry, sad, or uncomfortable.
Saying, the way people treat you only reflects how they see and treat themselves. How they react to you also shows the same. If they show you the ugly side, refuse to take the blame instead exercise compassion and be reasonable enough to understand their perception of things. That way, you’re doing both a favor and mitigating the said situation.
But don’t ever put it on you, because it’s on them, not you.
