I’m not Ready to be a Writer

True story, This is not a pity party.

Photo by Jeff Parker on Unsplash

I used to be consistent with my writing and publishing as well. If you have the chance, check out for yourself within the time frame of 2019, mid-2021 up to mid-September 2022.

Before a plethora of reasons (some might call excuses) for the better part of me.

I began to allow other writers’ styles of writing and content to intimidate me.

If there’s one habit I’ve picked that saved my life, it’s reading. Reading opened my mind in unimaginable ways and gave me a voice. Ever since 2019, I adopted this habit, it has allowed me to harness my writing capability and ability and given me the confidence to publish my very first article here. However, reading others’ work has had its downside lately. It has made me feel inferior about my writing style and content. Even though I adore and appreciate their work and leave genuine comments to show it, it affected me in a way that it depreciated my confidence to pull off such a level of work (almost like in a comparable way). As such I struggle to put anything down or publish.

The inconsistencies with writing or publishing only worsened my ability to put something down

I’ve once heard about writing is a muscle you must flex every time. It’s true, I believe it. Once you leave writing, it sort of leaves you. For the pet couple of months, I minimized my intensity with either writing or publishing, and I’ve felt even weaker to write and/or publish. Which further exacerbates my low level of confidence in putting out great work.

Getting carried away by other’s number of claps or earnings

It’s difficult to write with no fiscal rewards. When I think about the fact I earn nothing from Medium after all these while, it pricks my confidence to continue. When I compare this to what I imagine other “better” writers than me might be earning, it doesn’t help the boost to keep up. Merging this also with the number of claps others get (I also give up to 30 claps in articles I truly enjoyed), makes me question myself in excruciating ways that affect my mojo to keep writing. As such I get carried away and my work keeps perishing.

External factors imprisoned my ability

Do you know how they tell you the environment plays a huge role in how one turns out? Again, it’s true. If care is not taken, chaos from different angles of life ebbs and will surely affect the greatest of all time. A skill, talent, or purpose can diminish if you don’t mind your environment. It could be your personal space, house or home, workspace, or where ever you dwell most. In my case, the personal emotional, and mental turbulence I was going through the whole of 2021 took a huge toll on my writing abilities (focus, mood, motivation, inspiration, etc.), due to these environmental factors. For example, my baby became a toddler, with no concrete or good support system to go to for help, and a lack of trust and love in a once-loving relationship. As such, it has caused me to write or publish lesser and lesser day by day, month by month — affecting the quality of my content as well.

Looking at these reasons, one (even you) might ask: but why don’t I try this remedy or that solution? Or like my significant other would suggest, shut it down. But it’s not as straightforward as that. I have to determine what’s best for me and prioritize them over other equally important, but not-so-important stuff. And the truth is, I enjoy writing, and I love reading. I consider myself very lucky to be able to do these things.

Writing requires brain work. If one is not present, one can’t produce good content. Therefore if you’ve regarded something as writing, for me, a passion turned to purpose, then you must give it all it takes.

Bearing these in mind, I figured out some of the best self-help tips that might alleviate my situation and inspire me not to give up.

I need to figure out a way to appreciate others’ work (like I do via claps, reads, and comments) and let it motivate me to do better and neither stop nor criticize mine in a negative light.

I have to work out a schedule or plan that suits my day-day living and infuse my writing and/or publishing into it. Based on the time I’m mostly relaxed enough to do so. Maybe once or twice or thrice per week, at night time for instance.

I understand that envy isn’t necessarily a bad trait until you let it get the better part of you. I’ve decided not to focus much on how others are doing, how much they might be earning, their stats and quo, and focus on me — my writing getting better, improving my living, and doing what I enjoy to inspire me to continue going.

I need to also work out my environment. To try and silence the “noise”, the emotional rumblings that come from pressure as a mother and a partner to somebody who isn’t as supportive as before. I need to walk away from things that don’t serve me to become a better writer and embrace even the infinitesimal habits such as watching my child play, that will continue to inspire me to do what I love- which is writing.

At the end of the day, it is the process that matter more than the result; writing and reading are all I know and I believe will continue to save me. So why not put it on top of the list? Right?

Right!