How to Discontinue From People-pleasing

From one People-Pleaser to another

Comet N.
3 min readApr 28, 2024

People-pleasing is a trait that can cause significant damage to an individual’s happiness and overall well-being. It often arises from low self-esteem, and the consequences can be quite severe. People-pleasers tend to put others’ needs and desires before their own, leading to a loss of self-respect and self-worth. They might feel like they need to give away their possessions, forgive those who wronged them, or do anything to avoid confrontation or disapproval. However, acting in this way doesn’t necessarily make people like or respect them more. Instead, it can make them appear as someone who is not being true to themselves.

As someone who used to be a people-pleaser, I understand the struggles that come with this trait. Being bullied and mistreated as a child made me feel like I had to please others to avoid being hurt. However, I eventually realized that this behavior was harmful to my mental health and overall well-being.

It’s essential to be aware of one’s people-pleasing tendencies and understand where they come from. These tendencies frequently stem from cultural or religious beliefs that prioritize self-sacrifice over self-care or self-preservation.

As human beings, we all have a natural desire to be liked and accepted by those around us. However, some people take this desire to an excessive level, and they become people-pleasers. People-pleasers are individuals who find it difficult to say no and are willing to do anything to make others happy, even at the expense of their well-being. Mainly because they want to be liked.

Photo by Ingo Doerrie on Unsplash

One of the prominent signs of a people-pleaser is their tendency to say yes to everything. They find it challenging to decline requests and end up burdened with too much work or responsibilities. Another sign is the lack of boundaries. People-pleasers tend to put others’ needs before their own, even if it means sacrificing their own time and energy. They also tend to overuse words such as please, sorry, and thank you, which can make them appear insecure or indecisive.

People-pleasers also have a fear of being confronted or criticized by others. They avoid conflict and would instead go out of their way to keep the peace, even if it means suppressing their feelings or opinions. Additionally, they tend to take rejection and mistreatment personally, which can lead to low self-esteem and self-worth issues.

To overcome people-pleasing tendencies, it is essential to understand where the behavior comes from. People-pleasing traits can be hereditary or acquired behaviorally, often from parents who care too much about what others think. Practicing mindfulness can help evaluate the urge to please others critically. It allows individuals to recognize why they feel the need to please someone and whether it is necessary or not. Real-time reflection can also help stop people-pleasing behavior by taking a moment to reflect on the situation before saying yes.

Finally, setting boundaries and using the word “no” can help conserve energy and prevent people-pleasing behavior. It is crucial to communicate your limits and expectations with others and learn to prioritize your own needs first. This way, you can avoid feeling overwhelmed or resentful and maintain healthy relationships with those around you.

I learned that saying no is a powerful tool that helps set boundaries and prioritize personal needs. Saying no also helps identify situations where saying yes is genuinely necessary

Overcoming people-pleasing requires practicing self-love and self-care. This involves being honest, reliable, and consistent with oneself. It also involves recognizing that one cannot give from an empty well. By taking care of oneself first, one will be able to give more to others in the long run.

In conclusion, prioritizing oneself is entirely okay. The key to breaking the cycle of people-pleasing is learning to say no and practicing self-love and self-care. Always remember that everyone deserves love and respect, and one doesn’t have to sacrifice their happiness to please others. I wish you good luck on your journey to self-discovery and freedom!



Comet N.

A girl who writes & addresses toxic hidden agenda in the form of topical issues whilst digesting their relative life lessons. I can't alone— It's a ‘let's all’.