How to be More Assertive

Remove Anger mainly from the Equation and Assertiveness is Born.

Assertiveness is the ability to convey your thoughts or feelings to someone without relinquishing them of their rights to do the same — politely and clearly.

But as beautifully defined as assertiveness rings in the ears, it’s usually one of the hardest forms of communication mostly for people-pleasers.

But another killer of assertiveness is anger. Anger is an emotion that communicates one’s boundaries have been crossed or disrespected. We feel the rage that comes with anger as a way to remind us of this. In many cases, people use anger as a crutch to communicate their feelings, hence, showing the aggressive mode. The much lesser and wiser group knows that anger is an unneeded spice to the whole equation. So, they exclude it.

When anger is used as a muse, it communicates the message clearly but often violates our true intentions. Someone can blurt out what they don’t mean in anger. But it is also possible that someone can blurt out what they truly mean in anger. The difference is that anger played a coy role in conveying the message.

Where anger becomes a non/useful tool if you want to be more assertive is noticed when it fades away. Then you start to wonder how things escalated the way they did. Whereas if you took anger out of the equation, it helps you ascertain clearly how you feel and what you mean. That way, even if the pain of enduring the angry phase goes away, you sure know what it was — for next time.

Truly, anger is what some of us use to depict our hurt ego or esteem. And we use that moment as a one-time opportunity to communicate how we truly feel about somebody or something. Except it’s not the true version. Authentic thoughts and feelings flood our minds more when we stay calm in the storm rather than reacting. That way, we get the true picture of what has occurred, why we feel so hurt, and how we truly feel moving forward. The trueness of things gets revealed when we remove anger from the equation, of which assertiveness in communicating our thoughts is hereby born.

Thanks for taking the time to read.