Having a Child Makes You More Humane
An article inspired by all the Mother’s days (UK) I’ve taken a pass from
If there’s something Mother’s Day always teaches me, it’s the reality that I am now actually mothering a child, another “human” being. At times what keeps me going despite the headache of deciphering how to keep him living, is that I need to keep fueling this person to grow. He’s grown right before my eyes as if he wasn’t such a tender one in 2021.
I’m sure you can tell I’m a proud mama. But not every time, I’m not perfect and it sucks to realize that my once “perfect” smooth, and organized me is gradually becoming the opposite. Instead of seeing it as a negative thing, I’m recognizing it as being more humane than ever.
Here’s how:
I used to live a super curated life, the one where I planned for every single thing to the T. You would rarely catch me off-guard. Also, suffering from OCD disallowed me from entertaining any speck of dirt or disorganized space. Everything and everywhere, down to where I store my underwear must be clean, tidy, and arranged in a “particular” pattern, otherwise, I will be severely anxious. My mother used to taunt me about tidiness joking that one day a kid will “ruin” it all and I shrugged Never.
Now the time is here, I’m forgetful, tired, talking a lot, being and doing things I’ve never and would’ve never tried before. Such as building a snowman in freezing temperatures just to please my child during the holiday. But on a deeper human level, I’m now understanding what the true meaning of “inexplicable” love means, and what patience is all about. I used to classify myself as stern, I don’t take back my words or refuse to act on them, but these days I swear about a lot of things I’ll stop doing to correct my child yet I go back to them once I witness that “fake” cry. The one where the voice is louder than any volume of tears. In retrospect, it makes me settle and I enjoy that side of me.
The side that is equally indifferent to anyone’s opinion about me or pleases the ones who don’t regard me. I quenched it all once my boy arrived. It was automatic “I can’t keep up with everyone’s shit about me” when I have one of the most extraordinary roles to play in a new human life.
I’m enjoying learning that it’s okay to leave a mess, and postpone things I’m well capable of handling on the spot just to preserve that energy or time perhaps if my baby “comes for me”. It’s fulfilling to learn how much I can multitask (a new skill I recently adopted), coming from a place where I could never merge two major things in my life. But now, I think of myself and my child; I’m getting to understand it’s possible, one thing doesn’t have to suffer like I previously believed.
Having my child has made me fit into some of those stories and news about mothers I hear and read about. Whether it be on a trip, on a flight, or visiting a friend. I’ve come to understand and am learning to embrace the very vulnerable aspects of having a child that may not “fit” into the “normal” box. Such as a loud very friendly child like me, who loves to relate to, hug and kiss every kid he sights. It’s a blessing and a curse I’m learning to maneuver while dealing with supposed judgments from others whose kids are gentle and quiet.
“Bringing my legs” out in public (and private) like this, as hard as it can get, makes me feel alive. I’m finally out of that box I created and fixed myself into. I have a child who’s willing to drag me out and shake me up with his childish behaviors. I’m enjoying living this way regardless of how tiring it can be. With this as an undertone, I’m transforming into an even better human and mother with capitalized endeavors toward living authentically unapologetically. Most importantly, it has shown me to be more compassionate patient, understanding, and empathetic toward other women who are juggling it all up and trying to save themselves and their kids. It’s not easy — to be human — forcefully so if I may add. I believe it’s worth it.
