Forget the Title, Perform Its Function

Titles can nullify functionality

Photo by Austin Distel on Unsplash

Titles are distractions. They come with this grandiose attachment, most times, that prevents one from doing the actual work.

From a “first-born to the head of the family (man), to the neck of the family (woman), last-born” you name it. Even slating it in this order spells a lot of pressure on its own.

I remember growing up and assuming the role of a firstborn before I even got the chance to know who I was. I never got the chance to think for myself and about myself, mainly because I was conferred a title from birth that required looking out for others other than myself. Like a sacrificial lamb, a scapegoat, the lab rat, it was okay to disguise these with a polished version of a firstborn. Yet, I took it.

In the short run, it was a lot of pressure to put upon all the responsibilities. At times I’d go against my inner being (my soul) and react passively/aggressively while “playing” the role of a first-born. Other times I went against them and paid severely for it with quotes and advice on how I’m not sacrificing enough.

In the long run, it damaged my self-esteem, made me become a people-pleaser, destroyed my relationship with myself (through lack of sense of self and the awareness), it made me resentful toward the people I was constantly “sacrificing” for, siblings, my parents, my relatives who never understood the pain/reverted to the title (first-born) whenever I complained, and ultimately with depression for so many years.

Titles are a charade. All it does is mount pressure on you to perform roles you were not built to do. All it does is force you out of yourself to become somebody else. Titles are there only to guide you and make you aware of what you might be, only if you’re willing to step up to it.

If you’re not ready to function as what you’re being called, then truly you aren’t what you are called.

It’s better to perform the roles and function than to be conferred a bogus title for nothing. For instance, when you act as a manager through managing things then you’re being called one. Even as a joke, people chip in titles onto others that “act or behave” like it and not in vain.

It is this charade titling mentality that makes it hard to understand the interchangeability in performances of roles of the people in our lives. It is what heightens our ignorance to recognize for instance, that a blood relative/family can be your number one enemy, whereas your casual friend can behave more like a blood relative/family.

This is the way it’s supposed to be. Be called what you act like, after all, action is what determines the perception of a person’s personality — to a large extent at least.

Titles sway you. And oftentimes people who confer them are using that means to force you to act the way they want you to. They give you nice titles to lure you to do things. They may call you the baby of the house so that you can keep behaving as one and not stand up to their bills but when they mess up. Other reasons include pleasing them. Most times against your nature. In that case, you must refuse that form of gaslighting.

Titles come and go, but your action remains.

Titles are fickle. They come and they go. There’s no need to hold on tightly to mere words that can be unsaid. But rather it’s better to just be yourself. Act like a humanitarian, be kind, be helpful, be therapeutic for others, save lives, fly planes, and paddle boats. Anything within your capacity and forget what title follows afterward. Titles come and go, but your actions remain. They’re the long-lasting effect of your being, whether with or without conferment.

Titles are traps. Titles should come afterward. Never before. If you’re a first-born, you’ll be equipped with some qualities to depict it, but once you follow familial or societal namings, it entraps you and forces you to follow a handbook you were not orchestrated for.

I am a first-born but I don’t necessarily have the leadership qualities. I’m more laid back. It doesn’t mean I’m not strong at heart or mind, it doesn’t mean I don’t have the nurturing ability to cater to the ones after me, and it doesn’t mean I’m not sensitive to peoples’ needs. I’m not an excellent leader that a first-born connotes, but I can try in other areas.

The pressure to fit into the guidelines of artificial conferment over a natural endowment isn’t wise. It’s not worth it as well.

In essence: Don’t be carried away by what you’ve been conferred or referred to as. But by what you’re acting as. Endeavor to pay attention to yourself, your qualities, strengths, and positive aspects because it’s through these you’ll figure out what to act as to be titled as one.

While doing this, don’t forget that titles are entrapping, fit into the shoes of your soul not others’ requirements.

Don’t forget titles are fickle. A doctor might cease to become one next year. So stick to your inner compass.

Always remember that titles are away from you. Beware of the sweet name-calling or title conferments, it may be a gaslighting move to sway you from being and doing you — or the right thing as the case may be.

Always remember titles are a charade. It’s a means to no end. Bogusness with no action. Someone might say: I am a Ph.D. holder in (insert any vocation), yet they don’t know shit compared to a college graduate in the same field. Minimize the title, and earn the respect.

Be aware that titles are distractions. They masquerade you to do something that isn’t aligned with your spirit hence distracting you from the real work you need to be getting done with your strong points.

That’s why you must cultivate a strong sense of self so that when the noise comes in the form of name-calling or titles or grandiose references, you’d be wise enough to block them. And keep being yourself — which may or may not rhyme with their titling.

I am a writer who derives joy in telling a story about her ordeals in life and using that voice to speak out for those who lacked it as I did. Hence, utilizing the title ‘writer’ I’ve yearned for. Join me in unraveling more mysteries behind this calling by subscribing to my page.



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Comet N.

Comet N.


A girl who writes & addresses toxic hidden agenda in the form of topical issues whilst digesting their relative life lessons. I can't alone— It's a ‘let's all’.