Don’t Defend Yourself Anymore, It’s Stupid
The more defensive you are the more gravitating you are toward the said thing
By Comet N.
From the subtitle, you will probably figure out the power of “opposites attract”. The mantra/physics of objects we’ve come to learn over time.
And you’re right. That mantra works very well here. Because the more you’re trying to rid a thing, the more it comes back to you, the harder you search for a relationship, the more it eludes you, the more you try to rid your anxiety, the more intense it becomes. Okay, you get the point now.
But how about being defensive? Do we realize that the more we defend ourselves against something, the more we’re compounding the welcoming process of that said thing? The more we confirm the notion, the more we doubt ourselves, the more we reinforce that opinion. Anything but truly eroding those things we want to defend ourselves against?.
That’s the law of nature.
When someone has an opinion about you they want to confirm, oftentimes it comes in the form of confronting you about it to see how you’d react. Now, the tricky part is, if you were asked a direct question about it, it’s okay to answer. But if a random opinion was thrown at your face during a conversation, confrontation, and most likely an argument, and you attempt to defend yourself, you’re most likely confirming that opinion or theory, or hypothesis about you.
That’s mainly because what we know about ourselves and feel confident about, we rarely defend. Mind you, what we feel is different from what we know. You cannot defend yourself against your true complexion, right? If you know you’re fair, you’re fair and if you believe you’re dark in complexion, then you are. Something as flimsy as this might seem so until you’re put in a battle against yourself to either go for or against it before somebody else. The torture is almost always not worth it.
There are several better approaches to informing someone’s decisions or changing their minds or opinions if it’s that important to you. Thomas Oppong explained it better in one of my favorites reads from him where he said that to correct one’s notion, we have to try to understand first where they are coming from and validate their points before moving on to slowly gravitate them towards believing yours with solid valid points you may have. At least that’s what I understand he was trying to say in that piece.
So the approach matters a whole lot. Argumentative states, confrontation, fights, and shouts are not the best case scenarios to change one’s thoughts or defend yourself against their opinions. And most certainly not with people who rarely care about you or know you well enough to defend yourself against. Because they’ll just use it against you and stress you out.
Certain things need keeping mute over more than spilling — even if it’s the God damn truth. The people or the circumstance not worth it if it falls beyond the category of an argumentative essay, true friend/lover, true loved ones (not family-foes), need you to be silent — like you’re stupid — except you’re not.
To change one’s opinion require empathy, validation, and assertiveness to do so. Not aggressively defending yourself against it as that would be teaching the person the truth about their opinion at the same time straining you unnecessarily as you try to reverse it. This is to do with people’s opinions.
When it’s to do with nature, of course, we already know by now we can’t fight nature. We can try, but it won’t work.
So that relationship you seek after so badly, you won’t quite get it, just yet.
The success you aggressively go after, you won’t attain, just yet.
The marriage you speak about so much, you won’t get into just yet.
Notice the hyperbole in each statement as they connote the attempt to defend yourself against the normal course of nature. Also notice the fact I’m using a “won’t” instead of can’t, that’s to show it’s not impossible. You just have to wait for nature to play its course. After all, it’s common knowledge what will be will be.
Furthermore, you have to believe in yourself as that’s your natural state of being. No opinion can support or counter it. It just is. So quit defending, it’s stupid.
