Do You Believe?
Believing is a strong conviction you have about something being in tune with how you foresaw it.
Belief works in two ways; what we’ve been imparted with by our parents or caregivers from birth to believe in and what we’ve curated based on our own life experiences and future expectations, to believe in.
Believing in something is an innate trait we were all born with. It is the liberty to configure what you want and believe that it pans out accordingly. Belief in something is what keeps you going. It nourishes your steps towards achieving your goals. It produces a positive feedback mechanism that makes you want to see it to the end. Belief is always for something better and not bad. That’s the point of the excitement in the first instance.
Belief is driven by hope and synonymous with faith.
Believing in something helps you figure out ways to follow it up and hence, process.
It’s only when you believe that you’ll graduate from College or University, that you’d do what it takes to get there — study hard.
It’s only when you believe you’ll get a good job after studies that you’d put in the energy required to get it so — gain and improve the required skills.
It’s only when you believe you’ll be married before age 30 and bore beautiful kids and start up a family, with strong financial stability, that you’d work hard towards accomplishing them— do all of the above, step out, socialize and go on dates.
It’s only when you believe you’ll ‘make it’ in life that you’d do what it takes to achieve so — all of the above and living ‘well’.
Most times you work hard towards nothing/unspecific stuff and believe it leads you to a certain path that’ll be worth it in the future — investing in expanding your skills or upgrading your current ones, a new language, travel, and other forms of exploration.
And the list goes on.
But what about when your beliefs don’t pan out so. What about when you’ve done everything that needs to be done and said and yet you didn’t get that outcome you so wished and worked for?
What becomes your fate?
What becomes of your faith?
What happens to your capacity to believe?
Do you still believe — Because
Believing is a double-edged sword. In the sense that we believe in things based on what and when we’ve seen them materialize and other times, by faith that things we haven’t yet seen or experienced will pan out as believed. The former gets to us so badly. Believing in something makes you anticipate and most times, shatters you when unaccomplished.
We ask; how is it possible that when everything is set for a particular event to occur, it didn’t?
We ask; but A did it and it worked, B preached it and it panned out so. Like hell, I even witnessed some of my previous beliefs materialize so.
Why does it feel like my life is at a total halt? Nothing seems to be working anymore. It looks like I’m asking for too much when I panic about my derailments. It appears as though I’m feeling too entitled when I’ve worked really hard and done all that is in the book to get to where I hope to get?
These many questions are accompanied by powerful emotions that draws you back. They cause you to recoil and reflect on what believing truly means.
Then you stop believing. Momentarily though — as much as you hate to admit it.
Become depressed, frustrated, and living on pills to relieve you of the anxiety, stress, and worry associated.
You give up hope and decide to live with no strings attached.
You search through every inspirational quote that backs up the act of relenting and doubles down on them.
Suddenly, a glimpse of hope appears.
It looks like you might be getting that job after all as you’ve been invited for an interview, it looks like you may be settling down after all as you’ve met a highly committed partner, it looks like that the business you were too scared to start up, that you’d be heading towards doing that as there is now a potential investor etcetera.
Suddenly, some, if not all, crashes yet again and all hope lost.
You revert back to gear one.
But you seem to be forgetting you’re only human. And we’re innately bound to hope and believe as long as you’re alive.
You believe now that no matter how tiresome, discouraging, and painful something appears, as human beings, we were wired to continue to believe regardless.
What are the downsides?
Believing is never the problem. It is how you believe that mars its potentiality of coming to fruition. You can’t say you believe in God and that he’s omniscient and omnipotent and yet doubt his abilities to be with you — unless you meant you believe in what others expect you to believe.
Another downside could be based on the timeline you’ve attached to achieving what you believe in. You can’t attach specificity to certain life occurrences.
For example, getting a job at 26, getting married at 30, and stopping childbirth at 35. It’s not that this is unattainable per se, but there are bound to be drawbacks and hence, adjustments to be made while hoping to achieve this. You should be open-minded about this. You could say you want to get a job before hitting 30 or get married by then but specificity, in this case, can mar your chances of belief coming to fruition or accordingly.
You are what you think all day — Alfred Ginsberg.
Another downside to believing could be through negative proclamations. I, for one, believe there’s power in the tongue and thoughts. You’re what you think. So when you believe in something and think otherwise, the mind is powerful enough to influence the outcome. How? Because it reduces our efforts or misdirects you against achieving your end-result. So be careful of your mental and verbal utterances.
I used to believe I would achieve or be greater than where I currently am; professionally and personally. I had a time frame. I had a vague plan laid out. I thought I had it all figure out. I believed it would be all come and pass as configured. But what happened? Other propositions came in.
In the bid to getting my so-called dream job, I found writing. In the bid to acknowledging that engaging in a relationship with someone outside my tribe was a taboo, I landed in the exact intertribal relationship. In the bid to believing I was self-aware and confident thus, I realized I knew nothing about myself and had to start afresh in self-discovery.
I believed that these insertions and dissonance wouldn’t be the case, but I succumbed to the powerful force of nature, in the form of disappointments, failure, hurt, likewise; appointments, celebrations, and other good stuff— to arrive at the point I am now.
Have I stopped believing?
Well, most times I repose for a long while before bouncing back, and other times, I throw in the towel.
Professionally, I’m figuring it out while capitalizing on my writing journey. Personally, I only started figuring it out with starting with who I am — self-discovery and that has placed me in different situations to better understand me.
I’ve come to understand what I did that sabotaged my beliefs from materializing; one of which is giving up too easily, amongst others as stated above— to gauge when to hope, what to hope for, and be prepared for the outcome.
My secret; I’m focusing on the process more — although I derail sometimes by obsessing about the outcome. That’s completely normal. Don’t beat yourself up for it when you do so too. It takes practice.
My life has been bearable and live-able since then and I still believe — and I often show it more than say it — it’s also one of the most proof worthy signs — amongst the others as aforementioned.
Remedies
Still, believing in something countlessly and not achieving it hurts. Both unprecedented and precedented ones. Set attainable goals and infuse proper efforts into achieving them but be open-minded about what’s to come. Hope for the best, but expect the worst. Don’t be too specific in certain events you believe will pan out so — space them out. Adjust the timing and focus on the process over the outcome.
Sometimes when we focus on the process, we tend to derive skills and growth as opposed to the gratification that only comes in the end.
We need to keep growing and developing and disappointments from not getting what we hoped or believed in, as painful as it is, sometimes are the only way.
You stopped believing because you once believed.
But when you stop believing, what you actually mean is that you’re taking a break. And the break is good, it’s a period where you recharge and re-strategize and not giving up.
When you begin to worry again over your nonchalance towards belief, be rest-assured though, that it’s a proof that you once believed and there must be a reason why you’re taking a break from it. You stopped believing because you once believed.
You believe because you’re alive and it’s innate to keep believing and hoping until the day you live no more.
Don’t be too hard on yourself.
