Could Your Resistance to Some Pain and Suffering be the Reason You Are Stuck?
Resisting some pain and suffering can be a form of self-sabotage contrary to self-care.
Weight issues, acne problems, mental illness, lack of good tribe, lack of freedom to be yourself, you name it… Does it sound like what you’ve always struggled with?
You’ve probably heard it over and again — the pain comes with a purpose, life is full of ups and downs, and the like. But what no one has told you or said the way I’m about to, is that pain and suffering are what makes you and your resistance to them is why you remain stuck.
There are a plethora of practical ways to try and make you believe this. But first, let me talk about how you might be avoiding pain and suffering. This is usually done by complaining, talking about it, talking about it again, and again. You do this under the guise of just expressing yourself. Whereas you’re almost loading all your feelings for others to bear.
So, how do we mitigate these unpleasant situations as they are playing out and use them in fulfilling our purpose?
Firstly, by recognizing that life itself comes with blows and flows. No matter how much you admire somebody else’s life, envy them or even wish you could swap yours with theirs, they are each bearing their “marvelous” crosses as well. Many of which you might not see with your “naked” eyes.
Growth and maturity surely come with enduring those few minutes, days, months, and even years of blows. It’s difficult but it’s through this means you’ll continue to sharpen your sword for more to come. But if you tend to escape it, it will continue chasing after you until it catches up with you — in an even more distressing way.
Growing up, I’ve always evaded as much pain and suffering as possible. I believed I didn’t deserve it as I stuck to all the “rules in the book”. This turned me a bit into a perfectionist because that was my strategy for escaping the difficulties of life.
I believed if you suffered then you probably “deserved” it. Maybe Karma?
I also thought my being good meant always feeling and getting good (entitled right?) Until my first setback occurred when I couldn’t make it to the University (like my “mates” after secondary school).
I thought; why me? How come? But I was good to go. How I wailed and sulked and played the victim was overwhelming, both for me and my family members. Yet, I finally got into the University and different setbacks, challenges, and ebbs kept coming. I kept running.
But not anymore now.
I’ve come to understand that pain and suffering when it comes to you require this inexplicable level of determination not to go down with it. It needs you not to be strong alone, but tenacious, stubborn!
If not, you’ll cry wolf again and revert to your escape-avoidant routes. Which will always lead you back to the vicious cycle again. Perhaps why there is a saying that life experiences will keep repeating themselves until the lessons are learned.
So why not face your demons now. Be self-aware. Accept the hardships that come and deal with them through exercising patience.
The second thing you must know: You have to understand that joy will always come in the morning. The pain and suffering won’t last an eternity. At some point, it gets better. You gain some momentum, the stamina to navigate through and slowly get out of that hell hole.
What is more painful and suffer-attractive the most is resisting them? But facing your fears and demons diminishes them.
The other thing, which is the cliche but very noteworthy, is that the pain and suffering ultimately serve a purpose.
Even if you had to suffer for the sake of it, that qualifies you as humane. Because who lives without a fight, setback, or failed attempts here and there?
Let me answer that, only someone who never lived.
Some pain and suffering come to make you stronger. They equip you with the arsenal to fight bigger and “better” demons in the future. Pain and suffering are a necessity to help tighten your heart when your head needs to function the most. They are there to free your spirit to receive your rewards too.
Some pain and suffering are necessary evils when they arise. Most times it’s a sign something positive is lurking in the corner. Other times it’s there to teach you a lesson only.
Whatever it may be, embracing some pain and suffering can be a good sign of living as a being human, alongside achieving growth and maturity. Amongst other necessary toolkits for navigating this unstable life.
This is not to uphold the need to create this pain and suffering unnecessarily for oneself, but rather to be open to them as a natural byproduct of living and understand that resisting them will make things far worse in the long run and deviate us from accomplishing some of our life’s purpose too.
