Comparison Will Become the Enemy to Your Progress “Only if You Let it”

There’s a reason why there’s always a first and last position when it comes to rating; be it educationally, professionally or for any other competition and that’s because there are standards alongside the people, used in comparing before the affirmation.

For each person or thing you compare yourself to, always remember there’s someone or something else the said person is comparing themselves to inferring that comparison to be an endless vicious cycle to be wary of.

Comparison is a fundamental human impulse we’ve been imbibed with that allows us to measure our growth, health, wealth, personal/professional achievements, relationships and other goals to others, most times based on specific standards. This doesn’t appear to be disadvantageous as such, as it serves as a motivational tool used to bring you close or up to your dreams and also as a form of a reflective tool to use to evaluate yourself when you feel like you’re falling short.

However, the recurring problem with comparison, because most times it deals with self-esteem — that is, high self esteem when you meet up and low self-esteem when you don’t, is that it can easily lead to one feeling chronically inferior, disappointed, frustrated or redundant — causing them to remain stuck in a place and hence, exercised as the real enemy of progress.

Comparisons typically originates from having had different classic expectations in many life strata during childhood. These form the yardsticks we use now as adults to rate our lives in comparison to others and ensure we’re in tune — what Leon Festinger helped refer to as social comparison in 1954. He further explained that comparisons are made in a way to evaluate ourselves. It stems from an innate inkling to make judgements of other people as an evolutionary ability to protect ourselves from these threats — something other psychologists concurred with to be similar to Hunter gathering theory.

Comparisons happen in two ways; either you’re comparing yourself to someone better than you — otherwise known as the upward comparison or with someone you’re better than, that is, downward comparison. Both have their pros and cons as upward comparison makes you sit up, it serves as a boost to strive harder with the con being that it can fuel envy and low self-esteem if care is not taken. Juliana Breines, writer of several peer-reviewed journals including the Journal of Personality Disorder and Social Psychology, pointed some of the examples of upward comparison to include thinspiration and following or sticking to unrealistic beauty standards on social media without fully recognizing what the struggle/journey/weaknesses involved prior to that are.

Downward comparison on the other hand will make you feel good with yourself and appreciative too but of course it can also cause you to be complacent and disallow you from acknowledging the strengths of others you’re better than devoid of their weaknesses.

During comparisons, whether upward/downward, how we process the information matters — Psychology Today

Comparison rubs you of your self-image

In conjunction to the aforementioned about the severe effects of comparison on self-esteem, it’s noteworthy that life’s a chart. Depending on the kind of standards you use is determinate to how you rate yourself — whether as a high, median or low. Do you want a precise body size, shape, job, relationship and other categories mentioned earlier or do you want to broadly do better with yourself as far as with your health, beauty, getting a job or working harder to keep one and improving your chances of meeting a partner? Because the former proves as unrealistic standards to measure or compare yourself with especially when

1. You do not fully know the person you’re comparing yourself with
2. You’re oblivious to the fact that all fingers are not equal
3. The goals are highly unobtainable especially when specific too.

The consequences to disregarding the above statements and sticking to the comparative charts will likely make you feel lesser than yourself hence, diminishing your self-image. It’s advisable to desist from these extreme display of admirations.

Here are some of the ways to

• Cultivating your identity and self-esteem by staying in tune with who you are backed up by your beliefs and principles.
• Maintaining a stable sense of self which helps to drastically reduce the temptation to fall into the comparison trap.
• Imploring an important aspect of personal growth like self-improvement, in upward comparisons, rather than indulge in envy and the likes.

Other important counter measures to remember when you catch yourself giving off an upward or downward comparison vibe — in line with what some of the highly intuitive psychologists had to say include;

1. “Compare yourself to your ancestors”: effective method of dealing with downward comparison. When you think of your ancestors and their standard of living and how they must’ve survived some of life’s harsh conditions — in comparison to how evolved things have now become, it’s only wise that in hindsight, you appreciate all of your life’s endowments bearing in mind that you’re at least still alive and better than your ancestors.
2. “A happy runner compares himself to his last run, not to others who’re faster”: this was a much better way for Sonja Lyubormirsky, psychologist and author of The How Happiness to put it to further buttress the important point which is to learn to stick to your lane and choose deliberately to improve whilst on it with respect to appreciating others as a healthier way for you to deal with upward comparison.
3. Lastly, when we’re reliant on others for our sense of self, only feeling good if we get positive feedback or other markers of status, we’re at risk for depression according to Mitch Prinstein, psychologist at the University of North Carolina. It’s one of the best ways to yield to both upward and downward comparisons. Another prudent thing to put into perspective about relying on others for sense of worth is that most times you’re better than they are and this means that you’re receiving validation from someone who’s probably giving you one to feel validated themselves.

In summary,

Comparison allows you to impulsively evaluate yourself to see if there’s need for improvement but it’s not meant to be used extremely as a means to unfairly rate yourself hence, feeling chronically inferior, depressed or stuck. This is why it’s imperative to master the act of appreciating people who appear better than you in certain things whilst leaving room for realistic standards for measurement and also to show compassion to the people who you’re better than whilst also acknowledging their strengths. The balance between these two types of comparisons goes a long way to enabling you to grow and remain focused and also to show gratitude for how far you’ve come regardless.

Cultivate joy in doing what you admire in other people and you’re on a well deserving journey to personal development — Ravi Chandra, psychiatrist and author of Facebudhha “Transcendence in the Age of Social Networks”