Why do we create boundaries anyway?
To protect ourselves, to uphold our dignity, to respect ourselves? Or plainly to act rudely?
Boundaries are personal marks or stakes we create to alert us when something is about to trespass or has trespassed.
People who don’t understand the meaning of boundaries would term it a mark that is created to exercise unnecessary control and charlatanism. They may go as far as seeing it as a sign of rudeness and a cause of loneliness.
We could easily let it be. I mean; let these people think whatever they like. But it’s not so easy most times especially when they enlist your family, friends, or other loved ones.
I recently wrote an article about strangers. And I meant it when I said that sometimes boundaries are more respected by them than our people.
Boundaries scare people off because they know there’s now a limit to how far they can go and the human brain always wants to overindulge in whatever keeps it happy and comfortable all the time. You need not be fazed by how you may come off when you create boundaries because it will save you as opposed to derail you.
How?
Boundaries are boundaries
By this, I mean, boundaries mean that you understand when the cup is full. It means that you know when to tip it off to create room for more. Boundaries are boundaries when you know how much you can take at any given time and serve as a reminder when it’s overstepped.
Which means that
Having boundaries is a sign of self-awareness
Self-awareness is a very important tool when you have a growth mindset. It translates to knowing who you are, what you are, your likes and dislikes, your strength and weaknesses. This invariably connotes boundaries in every sense — especially the part where knowing who you let you avoid what you’re not, what you dislike, and likewise what wouldn’t make you grow or add substance in you.
Having boundaries is a sign of self-respect
One of the most common misconceptions about setting boundaries is misconceiving it to mean you’re being rude. This is one of the major reasons why people do not create or enforce their boundaries even if set. Whereas you’re only looking out for your needs and at the same time respecting the other person. The ability to create boundaries means you love and respect yourself enough to not want to allow things that will disrupt them. And it’s not a crime.
There are many advantages of setting a boundary, however, nuanced issues are surrounding it that needs to be unbracketed.
One of them is not knowing when you’ve crossed the boundary. Someone else’s.
Really and truly, there’s no one way of ascertaining when you’ve crossed one’s boundary than when they’ve not permitted you to do something and you go ahead and do them. Or when they frown upon something and you refuse to acknowledge it peacefully even if not wholeheartedly.
What do I mean?
Sticking to one’s boundary starts with paying close attention to the things they say NO to. A big or small no to anything simply creates a button you can’t push further or a boundary that can’t be crossed.
Now, again, it’s hard to decipher whether to relent or push through when a loved one says no knowing fully well their NOs could always be changed with a few tricks. And that is the reason for instating a big or small no because it doesn’t matter how it sounds or looks. A NO is a NO. Many things scream the word NO without necessary pronunciation and it’s also creating boundaries. And we must respect them.
If somebody does not like getting disturbed when they’re asleep, you must hold on until they’re awake to relay whatever thing you have with them.
If somebody does not like when you barge into their rooms without knocking, even as best buddies, respect that.
But boundaries can be tricky even for the creator. Because it might appear easy to create one but always inundating to enforce it. When we create boundaries and become shaky about them it makes it easy for other people to overstep them. This calls for concern as inaction would lead to resentments.
To enforce a boundary, as painfully so as it can be, even more so painful than creating one, you must always remind yourself of why you created them in the first place. This boils down to some of the advantages I mentioned earlier.
One of the major ways to enforce your boundaries is to remember your values. When you know your worth then you would do anything to preserve it. Even if it means ruffling a few feathers and creating frenemies. Because trust me, anyone who truly cares about you will stick to your rules as they wouldn’t even see it as one. They’d simply abide by whatever makes you YOU. And it won’t be an issue. And vice-versa for the frenemies or outright enemies of progress.
In a nutshell:
Setting a boundary is an innate behavior of somebody who knows themselves, trusts themselves, loves and respects themselves enough to know there’s a limit to what they can take or do. These make up the core values needed for inevitable growth and development. And it won’t be an issue for their loved ones to stick by them since it would only be upholding the very values that made them lovable in the first place.
Only the frenemies or enemies of progress in disguise would have an issue with this. Where do you fall into?
Thank you for reading.
