Fantasy to fancy
Before going into a relationship, we tend to get carried away more easily by the fantasies of what we absorbed from movies; Disney and co series, forgetting that it’s only an ‘act’ where there were scriptwriters, producers and directors and the rest — and that IRL, it’s a different ball game.
We fill our guts with every ounce of these fantasies of what we think we need whereas it’s what we want; a transition that breeds the word fancy.
By the time we wake up to ‘smell the coffee’, it would’ve been too late and cost us as many good relationships as possible.
Seeing is believing
Generally, as humans, we’re mostly drawn by what we see hence the quote, ‘seeing is believing’. At the same time, we commonly attach value to big things over the small ones, because I mean, the bigger the better right?. But the underlying problem with this is that
‘Not all that glitters is gold’
Because a package looks big doesn’t necessarily equate to the content being big or essential. Just because a potential partner is rich and/ or donates generously to orphanage homes does not mean or make them family-oriented, if that’s what you’re looking for, for instance.
Another scenario is this; when you keep receiving big fancy gift packages as opposed to spending quality time with your potential partner versus one who spends time with you but sends you small, no-strings-attached gifts that are impactful. Your choice at this point, says a lot about the type of relationship you intend to involve yourself in.
Don’t be deceived easily.
Fancy boxes or packages are mostly gifted for specific reasons as opposed to non-fanciful small ones — the kind you receive in envelopes or post-it notes — every other day, but are meaningful.
Whatever the case may be the trope here helps to explain that you have a choice, it doesn’t matter how big something looks if it doesn’t contain what you need.
The big versus small
When choosing a partner, it’s pivotal that you pinpoint what you seek in one beforehand. And this would depend on what you value most as a person. If you treasure peace, you’d be looking out for one who is peaceful, if you seek growth in all ramifications, that means you’d be looking out for one that will impart and impact in you to grow, likewise if you seek an independent partner, that’s what you should be looking out for.
When these attributes and values get distributed and happen to be packaged small; which is when the potential partner lacks in their physical attributes or a little slow in their cognitive efficiencies or has low education background or standard of living, the bone of contention is would you still go ahead in choosing them?
Or would you rather play the big versus small game?
Where the big package comes with all the physical and social attributes but lacks in character — at least most of them. Would you still choose the big package instead and suffer unsustainably over the course of your relationship?
It’s a matter of what you need over what you fancy.
The content of your package is a reflection of you
Self-awareness is key in determining who your potential partner will be. When you know who you are, it aids in prompt identification of the essential traits you want in your partner. Getting to know yourself includes your alternate version (alter-ego), because that would help explain your choice of a partner. Reason being that when you’re with a reckless person and it’s not your type, maybe it’s an underlying or alternate type of you and if this is not what you need, you’d need to re-evaluate your choice and put an end to it. It’s life to entertain some distractions, possibly go through some heartbreaks because it will mold you better, if you let it, and help re-navigate you where you ought to be than over where you are or have been.
So search deeply within you and ascertain who you need and stand firm in it so that even if or when the ‘goods’ get rearranged in packaging, you won’t be confused.
A rebound is a rebound and love is love
When you’re playing around, you don’t necessarily need to put any efforts in who you choose to do that with or how they come (big or small packaged). At that point, your heart (unintentional) is dictating your course of action over your brain (head) and mind — which are more intentional. In this case, pinpoint what it is and term it accordingly so that you don’t get jinxed more than halfway into the ‘situationship’ or ‘relationship’.
Doing so will enable you categorize what it is, and fix it where it belongs in moving forward. Ask yourself; what am I doing with this person? Am I just hurt and acting out or do I really want to be with them? If yes, do they really fit into the ‘bracket’ of big thing in a small package or big package but for nothing? The answer right here lies in the awakening, of your brain and mind collectively — to make the right choice.
Points noteworthy are;
Seeing is believing, so don’t be carried away by an act but rather the action. Erode the fantasies of what you want, giving rise to the fancy things you think you need.
‘Not all that glitters is gold’, therefore, it’s imperative you observe the package and critically determine if that’s what you want to go for, bearing the title in mind. A grandiose display can be wrapped as a meaningful gesture.
The content of the package you choose to go with is a reflection of who you are, so be careful. Relationships between a couple are commonly referred to as ‘two peas in a pod’ for a reason.
A rebound is one and love is love, you can’t miss it when your mind and brain are sound and active thus, intentionally helping you with making the right decision and choice. Use your head first before heart.
In essence,
Big things come in small packages and I dare to add small things come in big packages too.
I’ve had near-marriage experiences in my previous relationships where it was filled with all the ‘goodies’ and attributes to die for but ‘when push came to shove’, I made the decision and choice and walked away, painfully, from them because my core personal values and belief needed to be respected and in sync — which unfortunately wasn’t the case.
And that has further led me to spot out these traits that I need in a partner, easily, with my current relationship — a relationship that I don’t ‘fancy’ but ticks all the box of my essentiality.
The choice of a smaller package, filled with all the needful, over the big package filled with illusive attributes are determinate in what you need over what you want.
You have the every right of choice, so make a decision to choose wisely while at it.
