Bad Things Happen to Good People
Have you ever felt so much misery you constantly berate yourself as a result?
Your thoughts always come from how you couldn’t get anything done right, why you’re never up to no good. You call yourself ugly names like stupid, fool, crazy, and all sorts to qualify your *insert condescending word* behavior.
If you fit into the picture above, then you’re flogging yourself way too much. You’re treating yourself like your own enemy. You’re surely looking down on all the other sides of you that are good, productive, and meaningful. And if you’re treating yourself with so much disdain, then it’s too bad.
Here’s The Genesis
You’ve been poorly treated like a kid. You craved lots of deserving attention which you never really got. Like hell, you were bullied and forced to internalize negative narratives about yourself whether it was due to angry parents or mean friends. You churned down loads of mockery from relatives under the guise of “ they were looking out for you”. And now, as a result, you’re constantly doing the same thing to yourself. Looking down on yourself, questioning your abilities, insulting your capabilities.
You are still flogging away the child in you when you should be reconciling with it, embracing it. You’re looking away from opportunities that appear big because you don’t even know what you’re made of.
And I’m here to tell you what it is. But first admit that the genesis of things was from when you were a child, when you were neglected, bullied, suffered a loss, betrayal, mistreated, or abused. Admit that it wasn’t entirely a solo role-play. Those other things and people certainly played a part as well. Admit this so that the reality of things will begin to set in for you now.
The reality of things
The reality of things is you were hurt, are hurting, and are now trying to heal. During this healing period, you must come to terms with a lot of things. Firstly, bad things happen to good people. You’re not to be blamed for all that happened to you. Not the physical abuse, most definitely not the verbal or emotional abuse. You were just a child. You couldn’t have done much to defend yourself nor liberate yourself. You were not responsible for all that was to do with you. Even if you reacted brashly or did things to soothe or let your pain out, that were not impressive, you still need to let it go. Because you were coerced to do them, you were pushed to the walls. You need to understand that something always causes something to happen. In other words, there’s no reaction without action.
It’s not totally on you. Yes, you’re expected to take responsibility for how your life has panned out but you must understand it wasn’t solely your decision to be hurt or be mistreated in various aspects of your life like you were. People happened, situations happened, events occurred, and almost inevitably, life happened.
Now is the time to pick the pieces of your life up. Gather the strength to fight back that defeating spirit. The one that tells you it’s always on you. Because it might always be “up to you” now as an adult, but never always “on you”.
You’re bound to still get triggers and triggered by the past in one way or another, most times by the same group of people or events that led to the trauma from the past. It’s okay to react to them adversely especially because the healing journey you are on isn’t particularly linear nor is it without the mess. It’s purely a matter of acknowledging what each excruciatingly painful episode is trying to tell you and use your inner voice to interpret and internalize it.
Say it out to God, sing it out in a song, walk it out through nature. Or like me, write it out to release it. Whatever you do, find a healthy outlet to empty the venom. I’m solidly behind you. You’d realize instantly or later on, how relieving it feels to share it or hear yourself out.
In a nutshell:
Quit blaming yourself. Bad things happen to good people all the time. It’s not always your fault. You’re only trying to grow up and take responsibility, which no one tells you but is hard.
Otherwise, you’re a powerful being, otherwise, why would such heavy temptation befall you from such a tender age and you had to carry such burden till date — alive? Like many philosophers and philanthropists have said: the bigger your problem, the bigger your destiny.
You are a survivor. You’re invincible. You’re full of good. You’re purposeful and meaningful. You’re relevant. You’re strong, smart, and goal-oriented.
And surely, you are going to heal.
Because someday, the shattered pieces of the puzzles of your life which you are slowly and painfully collating back will stick and make greater sense — with a brand picture of the new you — just a tiny upgrade to the “child” in you — which has been yearning for this comeback.
