By this time last year, I had a job and was somewhat financially consistent. I had passed through two painful experiences simultaneously; a bitter eye-opening experience that exacerbated how worthless I always treated myself despite knowing otherwise.
Through it all, I rose like a phoenix and came out on the other side of it stronger, more self-aware and willing to take on life with the painful epiphanies from the experiences.
Fast-forward to this year, I carried on with the same energy and spirit and although I’ve lost my job and not as financially stable as last year, I’m grateful I’m still breathing to have recently witnessed yet another pain-filled experience with its painful epiphanies associated. These experiences hurt more due to failed expectations from the needful people I mostly expected them to understand me and my mental sufferings the most — my family.
And this is why it’s a black Christmas for me.
Christmas full of voids, guilt, regret, loneliness, pain, shame and dejection.
Nevertheless, I’ve found comfort in knowing that I’m not the only one that may be going through this. That there are people who’re going through far worse than struggling to let my family come to terms with who I am and my suffering. There are people who inherently crave joy, peace, shelter, food, loved ones to celebrate with, consolations for a loss and fortitude to bear other grievances.
People who because of these are having black Christmas.
I’m writing to remind you all who are going through these and other unbearable tribulations this festive season that you’re still here and there’s a reason why.
Like a Phoenix, you’ll rise to the bright side of life stronger, more equitable and capable to run your life again on a full course sooner than later. You just need to figure out what the purpose of your current situation is, accept it as hard as it may seem to ease the pain and let yourself heal to a greater version.
Let yourself have a Merry Black Christmas regardless.
With so much love from me.
